Cluttered Thoughts

It’s 3 o’clock in the morning and yet I’m still wide awake. Not that I am bored or anything. I actually had plenty of time to waste while thinking of a way to communicate with my friend through sms. Yes, my very unreliable and cheaply-bought china-made cellphone once again failed me.. And for the second time, it messed up the sim card that I borrowed from my aunt.. Well, so much for an inexpensive utility. Great. I have to get a new one first thing when the sun rises..

I couldn’t sleep because I feel a terrible pain down under.. I think I might be having a UTI. Eh, nothing serious.. Just savor the experience of extremely horrible agony when peeing.. This is not the first time that I had it though. Hmmm.. I think this will be the third or the fourth time. The question is, how did I acquire this? A friend told me that women are usually the ones who get infected by it.. Yes, scientifically proven. But oh well, I have my own personal theory as to why I had this.. I wouldn’t elaborate much about that because it isn’t quite suitable to be shared in here.. So moving on…

It was my 21st birthday two days ago. It was a fun day, nothing different though. No partying like crazy in the club, nor heavy booze dozing. Just went out to dinner with some friends, sat in a table right in front of a performing live band, had some good laughs, ate an erotically-named cake (which does really taste as it sounds.. lmao) and then went home. And why am I blogging about it just now??? I don’t know. I didn’t really feel like writing since I came back here. Not that there is nothing to write about, where in fact there’s a lot really.. Maybe I’m just not in my usual lethargic mood whenever I‘m writing most of my entries.. I guess I am happyJ

Seriously, this UTI thingy hurts like hell.. I can feel it.. I need to gulp a liter-full of cranberry juice as soon as possible, or else, I’ll be lifeless in the morning…

Honestly? I don’t miss anyone right now. Everything that I need is here and I’m enjoying the moment. Or at least, the few moments left that I’m going to be spending in the following days.. Sheesh, reading the previous sentence that I just typed sounded like I’m already bidding goodbye for good. No, this is not a suicidal-entry..

Untitled

What happened last night wasn’t a dream at all. I finally came back to that point of my life where I relentlessly indulge myself to the demands of both my untamed mind and flesh. I would say that it was wrong, but it sure did felt right. Awesome, actually. I feel revived. That certain thing I was missing for so long, consciously and not, now I have attained once again . Though the thought of something worse is going to happen after that “event” guards my mind, I couldn’t care any less. I know this is not going to last as long as I would want it to, but is it too much to ask for more? Even just while I’m here…


-- Anon

Homecoming Day1

Everything looks different, yet it feels so familiar..

My Family?
They seem really happy to finally see us once again after quite some time.
There’s something I couldn’t figure out exactly though…
The sadness behind them weary eyes..
Unspoken words of distress that doesn’t quite match the blissful mask…

The Old House?
Wrecking wooded foundation that has stood here for more than three decades,
Patched up scraps of walls and ceilings which are about to collapse,
Faded wall of abstract murals crafted by tiny hands which has grown over the years,
Humid warmth thus envelopes the very air that I breathe…

The Town Where I Grew Up?
Everything has been modified and a lot of new establishments are now being constructed,
It appears as if it is crowded now more than ever,
The noise is rather minimized though,
Pretty much is not the same compared to the last couple of years..

The People Around?
Are the same people whom I practically knew,
The young once then grew up, the old ones before now even looked older,
Both appears obnoxious and insecure as always,
Acts as who they really are, before and up until now..

And

The Price of Everything being sold?
What you can afford is really what you can only get,
There is not much of a difference between the quality and quantity, and/or vice-versa
It doesn’t seem to be reasonable anymore
A couple of hundred bucks for a week won’t even give you enough…



I haven’t slept for the past 56 hours since I left home,
I badly need a good rest…
But all these is bothering me really…
I would like to think that I’d be okay..
This is just my first day here anyway…

Determined

Today was a wrap full of good things. First off, i woke up early in the morning, around 7 something. Then i ate my breakfast: a whole bagel with nutella spread, and a cup of milk. uhm.. about 500 calories all in all (not that bad for the day's first meal eh?). A little bit later, I spent the next hour and a half recording myself while covering a Kina Grannis original (Strong Enough). My version turned out sounding sucky though, but oh well.. I do suck at times, especially when I just pick the guitar up out of nowhere and decides to strum whatever i feel like playing at the moment. I decided not to post it right away, so I still have to do a better one later in the afternoon. After that, I prepared myself for my lunch date with sis Bev who's gonna be meeting me at the church. Yeah, I didn't take a bath. I just did the other night, so what's the use? lol. Besides, it's kinda chilly outside so I supposed I wouldn't be profusely sweating. Just a little teeth brushing, face washing, and clothes changing was enough, so I left. I drove by myself all the way to church. Eh.. The weather was alright. Dark cloudy skies and slight raindrops from time to time. Nonetheless, it wasn't a hazard to drive. We, both got there at church at the same time. I just parked my (mom's) car, and we used hers going to Philly. What a cool driver she is though. Well, i guess i'm referring to her manual transmission car. I mean for a woman to drive that kind of car here in the States, it's not something you see everyday. While driving, we were just talking about random things about my studies, family, and things (stuff that I can't tell you yet). As a result of such distraction, I think she was running like 10 miles slower than the speed limit. HAHA! So yeah, a couple of honks here and there were exchanged. Finally we got to the place where we were about to have lunch. SMOKELESS BBQ.. that kind of stuff. Located somewhere in 9th street. Honestly, I didn't have a clue what kind of restaurant was that. Chinese, Taiwanese, Korean, Japanese???? Seems Asian though. She told me earlier that we were going to a buffet. So yeah, buffet that is. We came inside, the server entertained us, directed us to our table, we sat, and he handed us the menu. Oh... It's Korean. They had bunch of different kinds of that Kimchi thingy (that I don't even like) on the buffet counter. Also, we ordered that barbeque buffet with hot pot for two. It was too much food for the two of us. But we had all the time to finish it. So, chow. In the middle of our table was a circular grill/stove, well obviously, to be used for the boiling of the hot pot and grilling of the fresh meat that they served us. I was like "Oh... so this is what it's for.." sounding so ignorant in front of sis Bev (What can I do? It was my first time eating in such a place?). I really enjoyed barbequeing my own fresh meat, and slurping that hot soup.. We spent two and a half hours there, doing the same grilling and sipping over and over again, well, plus the unending exchange of conversations about personal stuff. I was really having a good time with her, even if my belly was consuming more calories than it requires from every piece of bbq meat that i shove into my mouth. In my mind: "Gosh,, I gotta burn these twice as much as my usual routine..." Whew.. We finished most of our food at last. That wasn't a waste. Good food, great company, cool new place.. So she paid for it, left some tip, and we headed back to church. And this is what blessed me the most, before we parted ways, she actually took the chance to pray for/with me.. Because after everything that I have confided to her, she kinda felt burdened. I think this is where the accountability between every believers comes in. I felt relieved after that. Something that rarely happens. You know, someone who is not related to you by blood, but shares the same Spirit with you.. Breathed from the same Creator... And Prayer? It really is powerful.. I know I haven't been praying in the Spirit for like months now.. And I know that I'm sinning BIG TIME because of that.. But I want to believe that THAT simple prayer she uttered will make a BIG difference...

I got home already, and I finally finished the last draft of my song cover.. I waited another 2 hours trying to upload it on my utube and multiply account.. (Sigh)... DONE. Then I did my daily routine, walked in the treadmill for an hour and 10 minutes non-stop, 4.23 miles, and burned 515 calories.. And i'm about to sleep after I post this.. Goodnight.

Customer Service Dissatisfaction

Last night’s dream has a bit touch of reality, well, almost an entire possibility. It started off like this: my brother Jared and I were in the Philippines. We were just strolling around the former Jenra superstore in Dau. Around mid-afternoon, we decided to part ways and satisfy our grumbling tummies. He went to eat in that area of the store where they sell native foods, and I went to Jollibee. Being in that place once again after more than 2 years made me feel relieved and “at home” somehow. The semi-crowded place, indistinct conversations, crews, customers, and kids around -- a typical scenery in most fastfood chains in PI. So, there came the time when I finally ordered my meal. Behind the counter were these friendly-looking service crews, with all the big smiles and slight make-up worn on their faces.

“Good afternoon ma‘am, welcome to Jollibee, may I take your order please?”

“Hi, can I get a large fries and a cone twirl please.” (oddly, but yeah, I was speaking in English)

“Dine-in or take-out po? (eat-in or to-go?)”

“I‘ll have it here”

“Yun lang po ba ma’am? (Would that be all ma‘am?)”

“Yes.”

Then I paid for my food.

“(She put my meal on the tray) Salamat po! Enjoy your meal!J”

Then I carried my tray and sat near to where the counter is… Everything is doing fine so far, until…


After I was done eating, suddenly I felt thirsty. That’s when I came back to the counter to order a large drink. This time a different service crew took my order.

“Good afternoon ma‘am, welcome to Jollibee, may I take your order please?” (a lady with a complacent face)

“I‘ll just have a large Coke, to-go please”

“Ma‘am, okay lang bang maghintay kayo ng ten minutes pa? (is it okay for you to wait for like ten more minutes)? Naubusan kasi kami ng plastic cup supplies, umorder palang kami sa nearest branch. (We ran out of plastic cup supplies, so we just ordered to the nearest branch).”

“All right(???)” What can I do? I was thirsty already.. So I paid for it in advance though.

“Eto yung number mo(here‘s your number), tatawagin ko nalang kayo pag ready na (I‘ll just call your number when it‘s ready.)”

“ Great..”


10 minutes has passed… no drink for me

20 minutes has passed… still, no drink for me…

30 minutes has passed… crap, I’m choking already….


I went to the counter and asked what has been going on. Suddenly the lady crew who served me earlier is now showing some unlikely attitude.

“It‘s been already 30 minutes and the heck where is my drink?” I said calmly.

“Well ma‘am hindi pa dumarating yung delivery crew from the other branch eh.” Saying it in way as if she’s the one who has the right to be annoyed. “Heto ang iced tea (in pouch), yan muna ang inumin ninyo.” As she poked the straw to the pouch and slammed it in front of me.

“So you had this earlier pa, and it‘s just now that you‘re giving it to me??? What a fine service.. You know what, just forget it..” That’s where I lost my patience. I wasn't really pissed about the slamming part though..

I was about to leave the place when the supervisor approached me as she heard my frustrated grunt.

“What seems to be the problem ma‘am?” she asked, and I explained the details. So, she reprimanded the crew who showed such a dubious attitude.

Apologetically, the supervisor intervened.

“I‘m so sorry ma‘am about what happened, we‘re just having some cup shortage as of now, but we‘re trying to compensate naman with juice in pouches in place of soft drinks… If you want ma‘am we can issue you a refund check in that crew’s expense. Just claim it nalang in the other branch building.”

“Just… Whatever..” What a big deal.

Still, she issued me the check and I went to the next building to claim it. There, the manager handed me the refund check. Guess what? That large drink cost the rude crew $12.00 (Oddly, we were in the PI then, but the currency is still in $$$). I wasn’t sure though, but that’s how much I was about to claim. Then, came this lady crew who’s responsible for all the drama.

“Ma‘am naman, di na po ba kayo naawa sakin? Napaka-liit lang na bagay pinalaki niyo pa.. Ano lang po ba sa inyo yung 12 dollars..??? Samantalang para samin na nakatira dito, halos isang linggong pagttrabaho na ang katumbas ‘non..” With such emotion she blurted, as if I am the arrogant one to be blamed about her irresponsible actions.

“I‘m not concerned about the money. It‘s all about the service. You‘re a part of this company and you should live and act up to its standards. Also, you must give the service that is due to your customers.”

Then I ripped off the check right on her face.

“Happy now? Goodluck with your job.”

And I left the place.


I went to meet my brother, and this time he was already done eating as well.

“Bona, can you buy me this food?” He was pointing at this weird Filipino delicacy that we stumbled upon while walking in the halls of Jenra.

“Wait, didn’t you eat already? How much is it anyway?” I asked.

“Yeah, I did. But I want this. It’s 350 pesos.”

What a rip-off… Just a small plate worth of food..

“Nah, forget it Jared. We’re leaving.”

Cold Feet

Am I afraid? Of what? Seeing them again?
What has become of me over the past two and a half years?
Am I still the same? Have I changed a little bit? drastically?

Most of all..

Am I afraid of seeing the change in them?
Of course the other side of the world didn't freeze while I was wasting two and a half years of my life here.
Do I believe all of this?
Am I really going somewhere from here?

These are just some of the questions raging through my head.
Sadly, I can't really answer any...

Two more weeks to go... And honestly, I don't feel like leaving anymore.. I just want to be trapped where I'm at right now...

Mystery of the missing girl

In an olympic-sized indoor pool, filled with people above and beneath the surface, I was clinging on the side.. I knew for a fact that I couldn't swim, so I stayed where i was. Everybody seems to be enjoying the unusual warmth of the water. Weirdly, I swam underneath. There I saw a community swarmed with men, doing their own silly businesses. A man doing yoga upside-down, a group of men playing poker underwater, and there rest I didn't pay attention much. My presence didn't seem to bother them, so I swam around. I didn't see anyone that I know, thus, decided to get out of it. It appears as if getting out is much harder than swimming in, it took me almost twice as much as the time finding my way out of that bizarre environment. I was already losing air. Then I saw a tiny space in one corner. I gasped for breath. That has been enough to bring me out in the surface.

Darkness loomed. no one, not even a single soul was present in that place. "Is anybody there?" I asked loudly. Nobody answered. I guess I was trapped inside. I cannot go back into the pool, because neither that I could see clearly. So, I crawled my way up in those high windows -- the only things visible in my sight. They were too small for me to get out of, the only thing I can do is shout for help. A custodian who's in charge of the pool came in with his cleaning gadgets. "Thank goodness you came," I blurted. "But I only have 5 minutes to clean up all these mess and get out of this place, the main door is timed and it's going to be automatically locked soon!" hurriedly he exclaimed. "Let's just get out of this place," I said. We got out just in time.

The outside appears to be surrounded with lots of trees and also there was a couple of nipa huts. Then came this another lady running towards where we were at. "I can't find my way out, this place gives me the chills.." she said. Even the custodian was clueless. "I think we just have to wait for someone who can show us the way," in unison we all agreed. After a while, a man riding a golf cab that appears to be a security guard stopped in front of us and said, "Are you guys lost? May I see your Id's please.. " The lady and the custodian showed theirs to the guard. I don't have anything with me except the wet clothes that I was wearing.

"I left my book bag in the cafe, and all my stuff are in there including my wallet, so I can't show you anything," I said calmly.

"Hmmm... the last book bag that was left unclaimed in that place was on July of 1984, by this girl named *can't remember what he said*, and that's it, nothing was ever left in that place since then."

"But I'm pretty sure I left my book bag in there just this afternoon."

"Sorry ma'am, but we found nothing... By the way, what is your name?"

"Bonnamie Lomio"

"Just a second.." He looks at his dusty book of files and took out several newspaper cut out pictures.

"Weren't you this kid?" Showing me a bunch of head-shot pictures of this weird looking girl age of five, curly, dark-skinned, with a cleft-palate... But I have to admit, her face kinda resembles mine except the curly hair part and the cleft-palate..

"Whoa, definitely that's not me." I knew exactly what I looked like when I was at that age..

"But her name is exactly the same as yours. Bonnamie Lomio."

"Goodness.. who says two people cannot have the same first name and last name in this world?" Heavens, that was weird... "And since when were these pictures dated?"

"July of 1984... That's exactly the date this girl went missing... We found her school ID in her book bag left in the cafe at the same time... "



Holy Lord... I was born on October 25, 1987... There's no way I could have been that girl...
Anyway, that was just another dream...