Haven of The Unspoken Words..: February 2009

Originally by: Tenth Avenue North

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

(Chorus 2x)

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

(Chorus 2x)

2:06am. I woke up around that time this morning. This song just randomly played in my mind. As I was still laying on my bed, I let my imagination wander. Beach, food, friends... Bff... Can't wait 'till that actually come together to happen. Then I recalled yesterday at church, Gilbert approached me and gave me some of his baked cookies (how thoughtful..). And of course, that body-squeezing hug that he always give me.. Such a touchy dude. I don't know, but for some unknown reason that simple act kind of make me secured. Though I wanted to stay for a wee bit to chat with him, I didn't have the time (had to go home soon). Weirdly, I felt like I missed him so bad. He was trying to ask me something and it kinda slipped off my mind.

Suddenly, I realized that I fell asleep for almost ten hours (almost got lost track of time again) and yeah I unintentionally skipped dinner again. My tummy started to grumble. So I went upstairs and cooked for myself some ramen noodles. I washed all the leftover dishes after. Now here I am, in front of my laptop. Am I actually writing/blogging? I've been awake for a while now. And I decided not to sign-in in any of my messenger accounts, just to make myself focused on this one. Though I don't have any particular topic to write about, I just want to write whatever comes into my mind as of this time.

I was viewing my friends profile at friendster this past few days, and it's just good to know that most of them (my highschool batchmates in particular) are somewhat in the state of bliss currently. I'm happy for all of them NCLEX-RN board passers.. Then, i saw Mitchy's profile along with some newly uploaded pics she took from Palawan. It seemed as if she looks really happy. I'm not sure about that one though. I can't really tell. Or is it just the spur of the moment? I'd love to ask her and really know. But I won't. Maybe sometime in the future I'll have the courage to explain everything that has been. I have to admit though, I've been missing her for long time now.

Seemingly, I've been inconsistent with my sleeping patterns in these past couple of months. Don't mistakenly associate it with my irregular school/studying schedule (I'm pretty okay when it comes to getting them done just in time). Generally speaking, I think it's more of my poor time management skills. Gilbert has noticed the weariness in my eyes every time he sees me. I always tell myself that I'll be going back to my usual routine, but guess what? First night is okay, then the next is screwed up again. I notice the shallow dents/pits in my finger nails, i think it has something to do with low oxygenation or poor blood flow or calcium defiency due to my lack of sleep?? (As I've read somewhere in one of my nursing books). I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm just assuming stuff.

Nevertheless, I'm contented with everything else that I have right now. I have a Great God, a loving family, and good friends. I am well provided for, and most importantly, I'm blessed with people around me.. Those people may not be "around me" physically speaking, but I know by heart that they are. They make their love towards me seem so apparent, both by words and deeds. I love them so much..

...

I'm falling apart,
I'm barely breathing..
With a broken heart,
That's still beating..
In the pain,
There is healing..
In Your Name,
I find meaning..
So I'm holding on...
I'm barely holding on to You

...