A year-end report

Just a recap of some (if not all) of the significant events in my life that happened this 2008..


JANUARY...
... My last semester of school started
... Worked part-time as a computer lab assistant at the school library

FEBRUARY...
... Still at school and working
... Tito Boyet visited us from Chicago over the first weekend of the month

MARCH...
... Still at school and working
... Completed all my application requirements for Helene Fuld School of Nursing

APRIL...
... Still at school and working
... Last month of the semester; I was about to graduate my associates degree
... Completed all my application requirements for Widener University and Temple University

MAY...
... Graduation month
... Acceptance Packet from Widener University was received
... Started some summer courses

JUNE...
... Summer courses still going on
... Acceptance Letter from Helene Fuld School of Nursing was received
... Registered for Fall classes at Widener University

JULY...
... Summer courses still going on
... Dropped all the anticipated fall classes at Widener University; Formal Withdrawal (due to conflict)
... Biggest "drama" happened in our family..

AUGUST...
... Last month of summer class session
... San Francisco California trip with Lola and Anne at Tita Be's (The best ever...)

SEPTEMBER...
... Boredom
... "Donya" Nena came, and we all suddenly became her slaves..

OCTOBER...
... Philippines Trip (not as fun as I expected though..)
... Lola's gone home.. :(
... 21st Birthday (nothing significant)

NOVEMBER...
... Went back to States (as earlier as not expected)
... Completed all the pre-entrance requirements at Helene Fuld School of Nursing
... Boredom at the latter part

DECEMBER...
... Boredom and "bummerization" at the first and middle part
... Loneliest Christmas ever :(
... Last two days are the most significant ...


Thank God for everything that has happened...
I couldn't really complain.. Because amidst every heartache and happiness, the truth remains and I'm always reminded that I am really Blessed and Loved...


All Glory and Honor belongs to You... I dedicate this whole New Year to come only to You...

My Winter Song

Back by not so popular demand

A couple of friends have asked me already, "When are you going to post a new blog entry?" Honestly? I would not be writing anything right now if only i wasn't reminded of this writing portal which at some point, I forgot I had. So, what's been going on with me? Uhm, nothing? Literally, I'm just barely passing each day. No significant events, cool happenings, new realizations -- none of those. What's the word for that Gil? Oh I remember, I"M BORED.

I envy those people I know who are busy as of this time. Anne told me the other day and should I paraphrase "Masarap ang feeling ng busy, alam mo yun? Yung tipong wala ka ng oras para buksan pa yung mga social networking sites mo sa internet. Ganun." How should I know? I have been barren for so long.. Daig ko pa yung osong nagha-hibernate sa kagubatan. I know soon I'm going back to school again and hopefully I'll get myself a decent part-time job (preferably any position in a hospital-setting). Yeah, goodluck to me..

Maybe as of right now I'll just try to write. You know, keep myself busy with this blog and all. I believe my best friend has been waiting for me to write something about my trip in the PI. Not exactly like the one that I wrote earlier. I think she's expecting something that has more depth and substance. Like what naman? I sound as if I learned nothing out of that wonderful trip that I had. I enjoyed it a lot like I said. But really, I feel like I wasn't able to do the very thing that I've been wanting to do.. And that is to really talk to ALL those people that matters to me a lot... Yes, I had a mouthful amount of conversation with some friends, but most of it didn't really satisfy that pre-conceived idea in my head as to what and how our conversations would be like. You get? I didn't even get the chance to meet with ate Anne.. I've been longing to speak with her since I first left for states.. I miss her.. Even those cousins of mine who actually took the time to travel from afar just to see me once again, we didn't have enough time to bond, nor did we have the time to sit down and talk for a while. What a waste..

Then, the other day, I was talking to Tita Be on the phone. I was actually asking her for some money(i'm broke yeah), and the generous heart that she has, of course, she didn't even ask what it's for, she'll give me the money that I need next week. She knows my situation that's why. Anyway, as we were talking, the topic as to how my cousins back in the PI were doing was brought up. I said they're all good. Especially Marivic. She's a hard-working student. Like, really.. I was shocked. She may seem as if she's the brat/fashionista kind of gal based on how she appears to be on the outside, but you'll be surprised. The most down-to-earth person I've ever met... so far. I told tita Be, "She's a good daughter. Malaki ang respeto niya sa papa niya (Tito Boyet).. Alam mo yun.. Hindi niya sinasayang ni singko perang ginagastos ng papa niya sa pag-aaral niya. She understands how education is important to her dad. And she knows he only wants the best for her.." One thing I also admire about her isn't just the fact that she is "smart" academically speaking, but the way she handles things in her own perspective. "Time management and self-discipline lang Ate Bon.. That's how I simply do it.." I remember her (Marivic) saying. Wow... Upon hearing these words, Tita Be suddenly blurted out sarcastically "HAHA! Baligtad ano Bon? Imbes na ikaw ang mag-iimpart ng lesson sa mga nakakabata mong mga pinsan, ikaw pa ang natuturuan nila ngayon..." Shame to myself...

Looking back, I didn't enjoy my flight going back here.. That was the most loneliest place I've ever been in my entire life.. Traveling for more than 20 hours through an airplane, in the midst of people whom I don't even know.. I just tried to sleep as often as I can while I was there, but everytime I open my eyes, I felt like crying.. worst thing is that I can't.. It's like holding my breath within those long hours.. That's how uncomfortable I felt... Wow... I'll never do that again.


Now I feel as if the exact fears that I had before going there already came to pass..

South of nowhere

So, I've been watching South of Nowhere for the last couple of weeks since I got back from PI. Actually, a friend of mine suggested that I should watch it. At first, I thought it was just one those cliche teeny-bopper tv series that tackle about the overly-stated American teen life. But hey, to my surprise, the whole show kinda makes sense to me? So much for a 22-minute run teen series... I know I'm already past that "teen" stage but the thing is, I'm still being treated like one.. That's why I can really say that I surely relate to this one. Just watch it for yourself to see exactly what I mean.. I don't feel like spilling the whole plot of the story so, go. Start watching it now.

Fresh-off the plane

It's almost been a week now since I came back from the Philippines. For those who are wondering why i got back this early (as unexpected), well, I have to be in here on time just to catch up with all my Nursing School pre-entrance requirements. If I haven't told you yet, my classes will be starting on the Spring of 09.. But before that, I need to get a lot of paperworks stuff done..

So, what has been? I actually have a lot to tell about everything that I experienced while I was there.. Maybe I'll just put them on a list? Here they are..

• In the first few days of my stay, I practically had to buy the things that I would be using in my own room.. Stuff like light bulb, electric fan, AVR, and mattress.. My first few bucks were spent buying those basic necessities, yeah. I also Put up a thin cloth half across the room, and covered the brick-hole windows that were there. Since that old room where I stayed in for more than a month was ancient as Confucius, I literally had to sweep off the wood dust /debris falling from the ceiling into my bed from time to time.. Though, I can't complain. Good thing there were no rodents nor roaches.. Anyway, I'm only after the privacy that I can get. Argh. Enough with my whiny details.

• What have I been eating? let's see.. every breakfast, I eat suman (some sort of a rice cake deli, particularly the green one suman bulagta), buko juice(coconut), sweet yellow corn, coffee (3-in-1), sun-glo (artificial fruit juices in pouches), pandesal with dari creme, palabok, and C2 green tea. During lunch until the afternoon, I usually hangout at the mall and eat whatever fast-food i feel like eating at the moment (I especially like to eat sizzling plate sisig at Gerry's grill though). For my almost-dinner snack or what we call "merienda" time, I just go right in that tiny little street food eatery in front of my Aunt's store and choke myself to death with those kwek-kwek (quail eggs covered with orange flour), betamax (fried animal blood-clot, yeah), adidas (fried chicken feet), tukneneng (fried fish balls and fish rolls), dipped in a savory "orange sauce" and vinegar. Then evening comes, I'm already full. (See, I don't often eat home-cooked foods.. ugh.. it's the excessive MSG content i hate the most..)
  

• Hangouts...? Malls, malls, and malls... SM Clark (almost everyday if not).. Robinson's Balibago(been there just once, when i met with mitchy for dinner at kfc).. Nepo Mall(once too, with Leo and Mitchy).. Jenra Mall(same thing, with Leo and Mitchy.. we bought some doughnuts for our then sickly friend Korina.. haha).. SM Mall of Asia(about a couple of times, with cuz Bekya and Marvin, also when i met with up tsang).. Market! Market!(twice as well, shopping with Bekya).. Trinoma(twice, first day: meeting with Cha and Zom, we saw Matet deLeon. lol. second day: chilling with Kat and Jam).. Glorrietta(once, spending time with Tsang.. also, we saw Bea of PDA..)... We also went to dine in at Coffee Academy(first public appearance. lol), Camalig(21st bday), and Coco Cabana in Makati (shot session with Tsang). But in my latter days there, I just stayed home where friends usually come over (Guitar sessions with Mitchy and Sleepover with Tsang:D).. Oh yeah, I almost forgot to include Redj's and Janys' Printing press office for the free wi-fi, food, and company:)
  

• I spent money mostly for: Hoodies.. Hoodies.. Hoodies.. Checkered pants, China-made cellphone, Lots of pre-paid autoload, 2 phone sims, dial-up internet card(which really sucks btw..), food and snacks, transportation fare(from Pampanga to Manila and vice-versa, and even within Pampanga), medications for my UTI (haha!), and unneccesary treats with friends.. lol
  

People whom I got the chance to meet/hangout with: (in no particular order)

• Mitchy and lovely Margaret
  
• Gwacey
• Cie and Law
• Mariks
• Cha
• Mark
• Leo
• Tsang
• Jeh
  
• Zom
• Korina
  
• Kat and Jam
• Redj and Janys
  
• Sherry
  
• Sheri
• Prec
• Fonzy
• Tita Grace, Tita Dags, Tito Boy, Lolo, and Lola
  
• Bekya, Marvin, Tita Vicky and all my little cousins
• Kuya Herald and Hernan
• Some distant relatives
  
• Ptr. Juile and Ptr. Chuck and some church people
  
• Benhur and his gf (fogot the name)
  
• Joy
• Wendy
• Ate Rita, Sis Dalia, Sis Meng, and Auntie Vic

Did i forget anyone? Well, if not, there you have it...:P I had so much fun, and really I didn't feel like leaving at all, but hey, you do what you have to do... And as what I told my "kapatid" Kaye last night during our chat, It is better that i felt "bitin" instead of me feeling "sawa" and nostalgic if i stayed there a little longer... haha.. So long you guys..

Cluttered Thoughts

It’s 3 o’clock in the morning and yet I’m still wide awake. Not that I am bored or anything. I actually had plenty of time to waste while thinking of a way to communicate with my friend through sms. Yes, my very unreliable and cheaply-bought china-made cellphone once again failed me.. And for the second time, it messed up the sim card that I borrowed from my aunt.. Well, so much for an inexpensive utility. Great. I have to get a new one first thing when the sun rises..

I couldn’t sleep because I feel a terrible pain down under.. I think I might be having a UTI. Eh, nothing serious.. Just savor the experience of extremely horrible agony when peeing.. This is not the first time that I had it though. Hmmm.. I think this will be the third or the fourth time. The question is, how did I acquire this? A friend told me that women are usually the ones who get infected by it.. Yes, scientifically proven. But oh well, I have my own personal theory as to why I had this.. I wouldn’t elaborate much about that because it isn’t quite suitable to be shared in here.. So moving on…

It was my 21st birthday two days ago. It was a fun day, nothing different though. No partying like crazy in the club, nor heavy booze dozing. Just went out to dinner with some friends, sat in a table right in front of a performing live band, had some good laughs, ate an erotically-named cake (which does really taste as it sounds.. lmao) and then went home. And why am I blogging about it just now??? I don’t know. I didn’t really feel like writing since I came back here. Not that there is nothing to write about, where in fact there’s a lot really.. Maybe I’m just not in my usual lethargic mood whenever I‘m writing most of my entries.. I guess I am happyJ

Seriously, this UTI thingy hurts like hell.. I can feel it.. I need to gulp a liter-full of cranberry juice as soon as possible, or else, I’ll be lifeless in the morning…

Honestly? I don’t miss anyone right now. Everything that I need is here and I’m enjoying the moment. Or at least, the few moments left that I’m going to be spending in the following days.. Sheesh, reading the previous sentence that I just typed sounded like I’m already bidding goodbye for good. No, this is not a suicidal-entry..

Untitled

What happened last night wasn’t a dream at all. I finally came back to that point of my life where I relentlessly indulge myself to the demands of both my untamed mind and flesh. I would say that it was wrong, but it sure did felt right. Awesome, actually. I feel revived. That certain thing I was missing for so long, consciously and not, now I have attained once again . Though the thought of something worse is going to happen after that “event” guards my mind, I couldn’t care any less. I know this is not going to last as long as I would want it to, but is it too much to ask for more? Even just while I’m here…


-- Anon

Homecoming Day1

Everything looks different, yet it feels so familiar..

My Family?
They seem really happy to finally see us once again after quite some time.
There’s something I couldn’t figure out exactly though…
The sadness behind them weary eyes..
Unspoken words of distress that doesn’t quite match the blissful mask…

The Old House?
Wrecking wooded foundation that has stood here for more than three decades,
Patched up scraps of walls and ceilings which are about to collapse,
Faded wall of abstract murals crafted by tiny hands which has grown over the years,
Humid warmth thus envelopes the very air that I breathe…

The Town Where I Grew Up?
Everything has been modified and a lot of new establishments are now being constructed,
It appears as if it is crowded now more than ever,
The noise is rather minimized though,
Pretty much is not the same compared to the last couple of years..

The People Around?
Are the same people whom I practically knew,
The young once then grew up, the old ones before now even looked older,
Both appears obnoxious and insecure as always,
Acts as who they really are, before and up until now..

And

The Price of Everything being sold?
What you can afford is really what you can only get,
There is not much of a difference between the quality and quantity, and/or vice-versa
It doesn’t seem to be reasonable anymore
A couple of hundred bucks for a week won’t even give you enough…



I haven’t slept for the past 56 hours since I left home,
I badly need a good rest…
But all these is bothering me really…
I would like to think that I’d be okay..
This is just my first day here anyway…

Determined

Today was a wrap full of good things. First off, i woke up early in the morning, around 7 something. Then i ate my breakfast: a whole bagel with nutella spread, and a cup of milk. uhm.. about 500 calories all in all (not that bad for the day's first meal eh?). A little bit later, I spent the next hour and a half recording myself while covering a Kina Grannis original (Strong Enough). My version turned out sounding sucky though, but oh well.. I do suck at times, especially when I just pick the guitar up out of nowhere and decides to strum whatever i feel like playing at the moment. I decided not to post it right away, so I still have to do a better one later in the afternoon. After that, I prepared myself for my lunch date with sis Bev who's gonna be meeting me at the church. Yeah, I didn't take a bath. I just did the other night, so what's the use? lol. Besides, it's kinda chilly outside so I supposed I wouldn't be profusely sweating. Just a little teeth brushing, face washing, and clothes changing was enough, so I left. I drove by myself all the way to church. Eh.. The weather was alright. Dark cloudy skies and slight raindrops from time to time. Nonetheless, it wasn't a hazard to drive. We, both got there at church at the same time. I just parked my (mom's) car, and we used hers going to Philly. What a cool driver she is though. Well, i guess i'm referring to her manual transmission car. I mean for a woman to drive that kind of car here in the States, it's not something you see everyday. While driving, we were just talking about random things about my studies, family, and things (stuff that I can't tell you yet). As a result of such distraction, I think she was running like 10 miles slower than the speed limit. HAHA! So yeah, a couple of honks here and there were exchanged. Finally we got to the place where we were about to have lunch. SMOKELESS BBQ.. that kind of stuff. Located somewhere in 9th street. Honestly, I didn't have a clue what kind of restaurant was that. Chinese, Taiwanese, Korean, Japanese???? Seems Asian though. She told me earlier that we were going to a buffet. So yeah, buffet that is. We came inside, the server entertained us, directed us to our table, we sat, and he handed us the menu. Oh... It's Korean. They had bunch of different kinds of that Kimchi thingy (that I don't even like) on the buffet counter. Also, we ordered that barbeque buffet with hot pot for two. It was too much food for the two of us. But we had all the time to finish it. So, chow. In the middle of our table was a circular grill/stove, well obviously, to be used for the boiling of the hot pot and grilling of the fresh meat that they served us. I was like "Oh... so this is what it's for.." sounding so ignorant in front of sis Bev (What can I do? It was my first time eating in such a place?). I really enjoyed barbequeing my own fresh meat, and slurping that hot soup.. We spent two and a half hours there, doing the same grilling and sipping over and over again, well, plus the unending exchange of conversations about personal stuff. I was really having a good time with her, even if my belly was consuming more calories than it requires from every piece of bbq meat that i shove into my mouth. In my mind: "Gosh,, I gotta burn these twice as much as my usual routine..." Whew.. We finished most of our food at last. That wasn't a waste. Good food, great company, cool new place.. So she paid for it, left some tip, and we headed back to church. And this is what blessed me the most, before we parted ways, she actually took the chance to pray for/with me.. Because after everything that I have confided to her, she kinda felt burdened. I think this is where the accountability between every believers comes in. I felt relieved after that. Something that rarely happens. You know, someone who is not related to you by blood, but shares the same Spirit with you.. Breathed from the same Creator... And Prayer? It really is powerful.. I know I haven't been praying in the Spirit for like months now.. And I know that I'm sinning BIG TIME because of that.. But I want to believe that THAT simple prayer she uttered will make a BIG difference...

I got home already, and I finally finished the last draft of my song cover.. I waited another 2 hours trying to upload it on my utube and multiply account.. (Sigh)... DONE. Then I did my daily routine, walked in the treadmill for an hour and 10 minutes non-stop, 4.23 miles, and burned 515 calories.. And i'm about to sleep after I post this.. Goodnight.

Customer Service Dissatisfaction

Last night’s dream has a bit touch of reality, well, almost an entire possibility. It started off like this: my brother Jared and I were in the Philippines. We were just strolling around the former Jenra superstore in Dau. Around mid-afternoon, we decided to part ways and satisfy our grumbling tummies. He went to eat in that area of the store where they sell native foods, and I went to Jollibee. Being in that place once again after more than 2 years made me feel relieved and “at home” somehow. The semi-crowded place, indistinct conversations, crews, customers, and kids around -- a typical scenery in most fastfood chains in PI. So, there came the time when I finally ordered my meal. Behind the counter were these friendly-looking service crews, with all the big smiles and slight make-up worn on their faces.

“Good afternoon ma‘am, welcome to Jollibee, may I take your order please?”

“Hi, can I get a large fries and a cone twirl please.” (oddly, but yeah, I was speaking in English)

“Dine-in or take-out po? (eat-in or to-go?)”

“I‘ll have it here”

“Yun lang po ba ma’am? (Would that be all ma‘am?)”

“Yes.”

Then I paid for my food.

“(She put my meal on the tray) Salamat po! Enjoy your meal!J”

Then I carried my tray and sat near to where the counter is… Everything is doing fine so far, until…


After I was done eating, suddenly I felt thirsty. That’s when I came back to the counter to order a large drink. This time a different service crew took my order.

“Good afternoon ma‘am, welcome to Jollibee, may I take your order please?” (a lady with a complacent face)

“I‘ll just have a large Coke, to-go please”

“Ma‘am, okay lang bang maghintay kayo ng ten minutes pa? (is it okay for you to wait for like ten more minutes)? Naubusan kasi kami ng plastic cup supplies, umorder palang kami sa nearest branch. (We ran out of plastic cup supplies, so we just ordered to the nearest branch).”

“All right(???)” What can I do? I was thirsty already.. So I paid for it in advance though.

“Eto yung number mo(here‘s your number), tatawagin ko nalang kayo pag ready na (I‘ll just call your number when it‘s ready.)”

“ Great..”


10 minutes has passed… no drink for me

20 minutes has passed… still, no drink for me…

30 minutes has passed… crap, I’m choking already….


I went to the counter and asked what has been going on. Suddenly the lady crew who served me earlier is now showing some unlikely attitude.

“It‘s been already 30 minutes and the heck where is my drink?” I said calmly.

“Well ma‘am hindi pa dumarating yung delivery crew from the other branch eh.” Saying it in way as if she’s the one who has the right to be annoyed. “Heto ang iced tea (in pouch), yan muna ang inumin ninyo.” As she poked the straw to the pouch and slammed it in front of me.

“So you had this earlier pa, and it‘s just now that you‘re giving it to me??? What a fine service.. You know what, just forget it..” That’s where I lost my patience. I wasn't really pissed about the slamming part though..

I was about to leave the place when the supervisor approached me as she heard my frustrated grunt.

“What seems to be the problem ma‘am?” she asked, and I explained the details. So, she reprimanded the crew who showed such a dubious attitude.

Apologetically, the supervisor intervened.

“I‘m so sorry ma‘am about what happened, we‘re just having some cup shortage as of now, but we‘re trying to compensate naman with juice in pouches in place of soft drinks… If you want ma‘am we can issue you a refund check in that crew’s expense. Just claim it nalang in the other branch building.”

“Just… Whatever..” What a big deal.

Still, she issued me the check and I went to the next building to claim it. There, the manager handed me the refund check. Guess what? That large drink cost the rude crew $12.00 (Oddly, we were in the PI then, but the currency is still in $$$). I wasn’t sure though, but that’s how much I was about to claim. Then, came this lady crew who’s responsible for all the drama.

“Ma‘am naman, di na po ba kayo naawa sakin? Napaka-liit lang na bagay pinalaki niyo pa.. Ano lang po ba sa inyo yung 12 dollars..??? Samantalang para samin na nakatira dito, halos isang linggong pagttrabaho na ang katumbas ‘non..” With such emotion she blurted, as if I am the arrogant one to be blamed about her irresponsible actions.

“I‘m not concerned about the money. It‘s all about the service. You‘re a part of this company and you should live and act up to its standards. Also, you must give the service that is due to your customers.”

Then I ripped off the check right on her face.

“Happy now? Goodluck with your job.”

And I left the place.


I went to meet my brother, and this time he was already done eating as well.

“Bona, can you buy me this food?” He was pointing at this weird Filipino delicacy that we stumbled upon while walking in the halls of Jenra.

“Wait, didn’t you eat already? How much is it anyway?” I asked.

“Yeah, I did. But I want this. It’s 350 pesos.”

What a rip-off… Just a small plate worth of food..

“Nah, forget it Jared. We’re leaving.”

Cold Feet

Am I afraid? Of what? Seeing them again?
What has become of me over the past two and a half years?
Am I still the same? Have I changed a little bit? drastically?

Most of all..

Am I afraid of seeing the change in them?
Of course the other side of the world didn't freeze while I was wasting two and a half years of my life here.
Do I believe all of this?
Am I really going somewhere from here?

These are just some of the questions raging through my head.
Sadly, I can't really answer any...

Two more weeks to go... And honestly, I don't feel like leaving anymore.. I just want to be trapped where I'm at right now...

Mystery of the missing girl

In an olympic-sized indoor pool, filled with people above and beneath the surface, I was clinging on the side.. I knew for a fact that I couldn't swim, so I stayed where i was. Everybody seems to be enjoying the unusual warmth of the water. Weirdly, I swam underneath. There I saw a community swarmed with men, doing their own silly businesses. A man doing yoga upside-down, a group of men playing poker underwater, and there rest I didn't pay attention much. My presence didn't seem to bother them, so I swam around. I didn't see anyone that I know, thus, decided to get out of it. It appears as if getting out is much harder than swimming in, it took me almost twice as much as the time finding my way out of that bizarre environment. I was already losing air. Then I saw a tiny space in one corner. I gasped for breath. That has been enough to bring me out in the surface.

Darkness loomed. no one, not even a single soul was present in that place. "Is anybody there?" I asked loudly. Nobody answered. I guess I was trapped inside. I cannot go back into the pool, because neither that I could see clearly. So, I crawled my way up in those high windows -- the only things visible in my sight. They were too small for me to get out of, the only thing I can do is shout for help. A custodian who's in charge of the pool came in with his cleaning gadgets. "Thank goodness you came," I blurted. "But I only have 5 minutes to clean up all these mess and get out of this place, the main door is timed and it's going to be automatically locked soon!" hurriedly he exclaimed. "Let's just get out of this place," I said. We got out just in time.

The outside appears to be surrounded with lots of trees and also there was a couple of nipa huts. Then came this another lady running towards where we were at. "I can't find my way out, this place gives me the chills.." she said. Even the custodian was clueless. "I think we just have to wait for someone who can show us the way," in unison we all agreed. After a while, a man riding a golf cab that appears to be a security guard stopped in front of us and said, "Are you guys lost? May I see your Id's please.. " The lady and the custodian showed theirs to the guard. I don't have anything with me except the wet clothes that I was wearing.

"I left my book bag in the cafe, and all my stuff are in there including my wallet, so I can't show you anything," I said calmly.

"Hmmm... the last book bag that was left unclaimed in that place was on July of 1984, by this girl named *can't remember what he said*, and that's it, nothing was ever left in that place since then."

"But I'm pretty sure I left my book bag in there just this afternoon."

"Sorry ma'am, but we found nothing... By the way, what is your name?"

"Bonnamie Lomio"

"Just a second.." He looks at his dusty book of files and took out several newspaper cut out pictures.

"Weren't you this kid?" Showing me a bunch of head-shot pictures of this weird looking girl age of five, curly, dark-skinned, with a cleft-palate... But I have to admit, her face kinda resembles mine except the curly hair part and the cleft-palate..

"Whoa, definitely that's not me." I knew exactly what I looked like when I was at that age..

"But her name is exactly the same as yours. Bonnamie Lomio."

"Goodness.. who says two people cannot have the same first name and last name in this world?" Heavens, that was weird... "And since when were these pictures dated?"

"July of 1984... That's exactly the date this girl went missing... We found her school ID in her book bag left in the cafe at the same time... "



Holy Lord... I was born on October 25, 1987... There's no way I could have been that girl...
Anyway, that was just another dream...

The weirder it gets..

Final imaginary thoughts as i was about to to take a long nap early tonight:

• me conversing with Kristen Stewart
• me laying in bed with some girl
  
• and me trying not to think about Amber..

Then came this dream associated with the REM sleep that i was just discussing about the other night with some friend..

I came back to the country where I was born and raised. Amidst the timidity of whether or not to go out, I didn't have a choice but to show myself to the public. It was a place where a lot of people gather to take care of legal matters. There were some familiar faces, and so was I to them. But I think I saw my best friend first. Her together with all her school friends. The irony is that neither did I approach nor greet her. Awkward as it is, she made the first move to acknowledge my presence in the room. Unexpectedly, I just declined and went on with my own thing.

Then this odd-looking tiny stranger who sorta looked like Smeagol came up to me and said "Are you not the girl from you tube who sings grievingly?" I said, "I'm not even aware of such a repelling comment, but if you meant the one who sings and plays her heart out, I guess you're talking to the right person." Mischievously he replied, "You know what they say about women who do so.. at the back of their minds they're wanting to have something to entice their suppressed sexual appetite.. and you see, surely I would love to gratify lasses like you at any given moment.." Upon hearing such degrading words, that's when I lost control of myself and banged his head twice on the wall, held him up on the neck with one arm, and dropped this statement, "You tiny evil perv, listen, as much as you want to satisfy your raging hormones and screw me as you wish, sorry but you can't.. Simply because creatures like you are definitely not my type."

People around we're crazed, this attractive brunette young lady mediated and ignorantly yelled at me for my "impulsive" actions. "Are you out of your mind??? That's a poor old man you've beaten right there?!" She bursted. So I intentionally kicked her on the right knee, and forcefully sat her on an elevated stool, that way I can be in control of her and stop her seem to be endless nagging. She cried in pain by the way. We were the center of attention. I asked her, "Do you realize why I did such thing?" "Hell no?!", angrily she replied. "Exactly my point as to why you blamed me at first earlier regarding that dusty pervert." Her mouth was shut finally. And I explained to her all about the indecent proposal and sexual attack.

As she and everyone calmed down, I left the place.

My best friend's Special Friend came and brought me a set of guitar strings -- none of which I badly needed at the moment. She was nicer than i thought she wouldn't be, or at least to me. We were now at a dance hall. Some guys started to show off their "break-dancing skills" on the floor. Surprisingly, I did too. Something I never knew I could do. The crowd was pleased with what I just showcased. And the brunette gal was there, secretly watching me in my state of whateverness. That's when I felt awkward and again, I left for home.

There, I was drinking liquor. Something that I wouldn't tolerate in reality. Again, she came over uninvited and just started talking about anything or everything that she can think of at the time. After almost a long while, in my sense of tranquility I asked "Why are you here?" And briefly she answered, "Exactly why you are here.."

And that's where it ended...


By the way, I am indeed in control of my actions in the said events of my reverie... It's just that I don't have the exact meaningful explanation..

It's dark inside

..I can't keep going under..


...Drowning in you...


....Falling forever....


.....I've got to break through.....

Seven decades and a year..

For my ever dearest Lola Elena.. :P

This is what I gave her as a birthday present...





And here she is, looking so happy and amazed while I was taking a snapshot of her and the cozy-looking present..

{She thought it is expensive as it looks, but really I just bought it from one of those Chinese stores in the streets of New York... :) Well, as the saying goes, "it's the thought that counts..."}



May She have more Blessed years to come... :)

Anywhere, but here...

I feel compelled to write about something, or else… Or else what? I don’t have any idea what I’m gonna’ do next.. Crap I feel so f*cked up again.. This never-ending series of unfortunate events seems to be prevalent in my life. Only, they come in different blows and intensities. By now, I should’ve gotten used to it already. So what’s up with this whining again? It’s just whenever something good happens to me (which rarely occurs), another thing comes up and bursts the heck out of my perfect bubble.. This one seems to be simple, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be an “event” or a “thing”, it can just simply be an “insensitive/ignorant” and “thoughtless” statement such as this:

||When she saw me carrying a plastic bag of somethin'-somethin' as I entered through the back door..||

“Oh you went shopping again? You know you should be saving every penny you have left coz’ you don’t have any more money..”

My discreet response:

“Chyeaah??? I‘m not a dumb assh*le to be reminded of that effin fact?! One more thing, d‘you think spending $10 worth of cheap printed shirts ($2 each) would hurt me as much as you are thinking??? What??? Am I gonna‘ be homeless now??? And by the way, these crappy souvenir shirts aren‘t even for myself if you‘re thinking that I, again, am feeding my non-sense pleasures. These are for my unprivileged loved ones back there in the Philippines who are expecting much from me, but obviously in return I can‘t really give them more than what I can afford.”

Back to her:

“Even if so. I‘m just saying…”

...Why do simple but thoughtful things seem too hard to be understood by some??? I wonder...They're so overly in-touched with the reality and hardships of life that they forget about the goodness of simple things.. Darn.. It frustrates me...

Back to me (discreetly):

“Well then think before you speak. And think about all the crap that you wasted your money on. If it‘s even YOUR money. Then that's when you can have something to say about my own personal financial expenditures..”


||Sadly, she didn’t have the chance to hear all these things that I’ve been meaning to say back to her..||


So that was the silent conversation that we had after I just came home from New York.. Oh The Big Apple.. It was my first time actually to walk around its city streets. Yeah, it was tiring, but my eyes were satisfied by the sights.. Once again, I’m amazed by the busyness of a city-setting. People and lots of things altogether. And again, my mind goes gaga over the thought of what would it be like for me living in such a place…

Oh, and one more thing before I end this, go figure out yourself why my title is like that..

I Left My Heart in San Francisco

It’s been 3 days since we got back from San Francisco, and believe me, the only words that I can say is that we had so much fun… Yeah, so I decided to blog about the entirety of our trip just now (or more of my melancholy I‘d say). Actually, I just read Joanna’s latest blog entry earlier, and it somehow lightened up my day after a couple of days of nostalgia. I’m still wearing the “I Heart SF” hoodie sweater that we (or Joanna) bought as a souvenir from the trip. Also, I’m still listening to Lonely Day by Phantom Planet. The shutter shades that I had in SF and a couple of SF postcards are posted on my corkboard. And every now and then I browse through the bunch of pictures that we took back there. Yes, I am literally basking in the events and memories of these past few days. For a couple of years now, that is the only moment in my life where I felt happy and free again… While we were there, there wasn’t any wasted moment. I miss the foodtrip, the shoptrip, the tourtrip, the laughtrip, the soundtrip, the roadtrip, I miss the long walks with Issy and Hamlet, random conversations with Tita Be, serious talks with Joanna, and even Lola's hilarious but innocent humor (she can't do such here in jersey)... I'll miss being carefree and free-spirited.. Not worrying about what I'm gonna do or what I'm gonna eat next... Everything just flows and I love that feeling... It’s not just the place or the beautiful sights that I like or miss the most, but it’s the people who I’m with along with the experiences that I had with them. They’re my real family.. It may just be a week, but it’s worth a lifetime to me..

I’m happy for Joanna. Going back from the trip, she’s feels alive now more than ever. I Guess meeting and spending time with each other after more than two years was all worth it (all jammed pack in 4 days). At the same time, I felt this weird hint of jealousy towards her. Finally, she already got what she unknowingly wanted all this time. She’s got a lot of things to look forward to after all the fun that we had, while me? Still stuck here with nothing to keep but good memories. Nah, that’s not good I suppose. I shouldn’t be thinking this way. Nonetheless, I must still be thankful for what I’ve got.

By the way, I missed my ukulele so bad… I knew that I should’ve brought it to the trip instead of that heavy guitar (I could‘ve had a lot more fun). Today, I’ve learned a couple of new songs, and I’m planning to record them one of these days.. Or maybe later.

It's a wrap...

Welcoming Joannutts

Yeah, so we picked up Joannutts at the airport this afternoon and I decided to record her while she was waiting for us.. lol.. and she didn't even recognize me while i was walking towards her... haha... thanks to the shutter shades:P



Dialogue:


While opera-music is playing on the background...


Bo: Okay, so we're gonna pick her up. US Airways.

Lola: Antayu? (Where is she?). Awa, aren... (Oh yes, there they are)

Bo: Ako nalang ang bababa noh tita Be? (I'll be the one to go out tita Be, OK?)

Tita Be: Ayun siya o di'ba? Ayun oh.. (There she is right? there...)

Bo: Ako nalang tita Be, tita Be wag mong tuturo! Gugulatin ko! (I'll do it tita Be, tita Be don't point at her! I'll surprise her!)

Lola: Yung naka-"isprayt" (lol.. she meant: the one wearing "stripes")

Bo: Pwedeng bumaba, pwedeng bumaba, dito sa side na'to? (Can I go out this side of the door, this side?)

Driver: Ah wala, wala dito (Oh no, not there)

Bo: Ah wala..

Bo: Lola, ako diyan, andali lang ah, yung bag mo la itabi mo! (Lola, i'll go there, wait, move your bag lola!)

Tita Be: E me kakanyanan i apu mu! (Don't do that to your Lola!)

Bo: Haha! Aha! (Giggles..)

Bo: Ah! Nakatingin.. (She's looking..)


While walking towards her...


Bo: Sira!!! Ahahaha!!! (Nuts!!! Ahahaha!!!)

Anne: Sira Ulo!!! Naka-"Stunna Glasses" ka pa!!! (You crazy!!! and You're wearing "Stunna Glasses" huh!!! --- lol! should be "Shutter Shades")

pics and more pics

Check out our latest San Francisco pics here

Our second day

Our Labrador Retriever friends Hamlet (Black) and Isabelle (Golden)

San Francisco baby...:P

So here we're at San Francisco already. After 8 hours of ear-buzzing and back-slouching flight, we finally made it. Tita Anna and her friend from church (Bro Daniel something) picked us up at the airport, then we went to eat at a buffet resto some place nearby. Though it took us about more than 20 minutes of waiting (there were a lot of people by the way), the food was all worth it (mandarin buffet wouldn't even compare to the several variety of dishes that they serve there). Probably it took us more than an hour gobbling sushi and all the seafood stuff after that. It was fun seeing lotsa people around. Chinese, Filipinos, Latinos, Whites, Blacks, name it. Random conversations were exchanged at our table while we were busy eating. And did I mention the food was great??? Anyway, right after we were done bro Daniel handed me his car key. Yes, he let me drive his car. Sweet... and It was fun driving all the way from the Chinese buffet resto to Tita Anna's house (it's her boss's actually). HAHA! And as always, they were all nervous of my poor driving skills. Roads are twisty with sharp turns, and after running over a lot of bumps here and there, we still made it at home safe (take note, it was already dark then). It's my first night here at SF and they let me drive already:) Good thing I have a live gps navigation person right beside me.

Then we went to grab some coffee at Starbucks. And I would say, their coffee isn't that perfect. Yes, it's my first time to ever taste it. Not because I can't afford to buy myself a cup before, it's just that i don't want to patronize it. Three bucks a cup, what a rip-off. They're just over-charging people for what? Wi-Fi connection that not everybody could use? (coz not everyone who goes there has a laptop to use). Forget it. I'll just settle with our good 'ole coffee maker at home.

Hmmm.. Tita's boss's house is great.. not big, but beautiful. Hamlet and Isabelle (black labrador and golden retriever), they're friendly and cuddly. Tita's room? I like it so much.. small but comfy, stuffy but not cluttered. Wireless connection? FREE!!! Anywhere you go in the area, wireless networks are all over the place.. Oh, this is Heaven...

Tomorrow is church day. Yes, another Filipino community Christian church. It's gonna be my first time to attend and i'm gonna have to wake up early, so i better get going and try get some sleep. Until tomorrow:P

Playing my game

I feel so guilty.. I did something really bad last night. Carried away by a previous dream that impacted much of my waking hours that came after, I let myself drown in such forbidden act of imagination. I may sound as if I’m talking obscure words and expressing vague ideas (as I always am), it’s because I don’t know if this is something that I should write about in full detail. It’s such a delicate matter that concerns me and my past. So I’d rather keep it to myself I guess.. But if that’s the case, then what am I still doing here? What’s the point of all this blogging thing anyway? I remember telling a friend of mine to use this medium as an outlet of human emotions and frustrations as well.. And here I am, violating my own suggestion.. But this time, it’s not worth the risk. Not everything that’s happening in my own personal life should be let out in the open.. I’ll just keep quiet and maybe soon I’ll have someone whom I can really trust to tell it to.. As for now, I’ll leave this one for my readers to ponder through.

Young Olympians

Introducing, three of the best of USA womens gymnastics team for 2008 Beijing Olympics

Nastia Liukin (18), Alicia Sacramone (21), and Shawn Johnson (16)

Well, I am not really a gymnastics fan but these three young women made me proud of them for making it through the medal podium.. Watching all their events as they give their best in completing all the routines may it be in the uneven bars, the vault, the balance beam, and on the floor -- these girls deserve to be on the top. There may have been a couple of bumps along the way, like when Alicia loses her balance and fell on the balance beam on the team all-around event, the same thing happened on the floor routine. It may have caused their team to lose a gold medal against China team, but silver isn't that bad. Nonetheless, kudos to Shawn and Nastia, both of which did fairly well on their executions.

On the All-around event though, Nastia Liukin got the gold medal and Shawn Johnson settled second with the silver. Once again, seeing the American flag being raised and hearing the tune of the Star-spangled banner in the whole BUT gymnasium brought me to slight tears.. aw... If only you could've seen the joy in the faces of these wonderful lasses.

Lastly, on the Finals event, Shawn almost got the gold and Nastia could've gotten the silver until the Romanian gymnast snuck through last and got the highest score. So in the end Shawn was second, and Nastia was third.

Nevertheless, it was quite an amazing experience for all of them. Though i wasn't literally there in Beijing to cheer for them, I am so proud of all their hard work:)

For more information about the 2008 Beijing Olympics gymnastics event, click here

Building A Mystery cover by Kina Grannis

So I am viewing Joannutts latest blog entry just now, she posted a you tube video from this lady Kina Grannis. Then I viewed some of her cover songs on her you tube channel and gee.. That girl’s cover of Building a Mystery by Sarah Mclachlan sweeps me off my feet.. it's not just the musicality of the song itself, but the words of it is still a mystery to me??? Anyway, I thought the original version played by Sarah on the piano sounded good, but Kina’s acoustic guitar version is actually better.. She’s a natural I would say :) I was so captivated by this song before, but even more so now :)

You come out at night
That's when the energy comes
And the dark side's light
And the vampires roam
You strut your rasta wear
And your suicide poem
And a cross from a faith that died
Before Jesus came
You're building a mystery

You live in a church
Where you sleep with voodoo dolls
And you won't give up the search
For the ghosts in the halls
You wear sandals in the snow
And a smile that won't wash away
Can you look out the window
Without your shadow getting in the way?

You're so beautiful
With an edge and charm
but so careful
When I'm in your arms

Cause you're working
Building a mystery
Holding on and holding it in
Yeah you're working
Building a mystery
And choosing so carefully

You woke up screaming aloud
A prayer from your secret god
You feed off our fears
And hold back your tears, oh
Give us a tantrum
And a know it all grin
Just when we need one
When the evening's thin

You're so beautiful
With an edge and charm
but so careful
When I'm in your arms

Ooh you're working
Building a mystery
Holding on and holding it in
Yeah you're working
Building a mystery
And choosing so carefully

Yeah you're working
Building a mystery
Holding on and holding it in
Yeah you're working
Building a mystery
And choosing so carefully

You're building a mystery

Just some random pics

While i was cleaning all the clutter in my room, i found my long lost old/low-tech digicam in one of my desk drawers. It's been a while since I last took a picture of myself.. So, i took a few snapshots of me and my buddy boy Rony Pony:P (yes, i always call him that!) This was before his naptime.. and yeah, he naps on my bed all the time.. zzZZZzzZZZZzzz...

Guess what? I Miss You...

We just watched The Sisterhood of the Traveling pants a while ago. Yeah, me and my movie buddy bro Jo (it’s so unlikely of him to watch a teeny cheesy chick flick). Well, that’s what I’ve been wanting to see for weeks now since the trailer first came out. Finally, I got the chance to watch it this afternoon after missing it last Thursday, instead we ended up watching that stupid movie Pineapple Express (yeah, bro Jo, it is quite a non-sense, haha!) Anyway, I love those four gals.. Funny, romantic, dramatic, and nostalgic… Each of them has their own unique personality and individuality. After everything they’ve gone through together and separately, the pants didn‘t fail to witness the important events of their lives. Though it got lost in the end (no thanks to effy), it still served its purpose for the last time, and that was bringing all of them back together.

Oh friends.. Can’t help but miss by besty bru so bad… :{ I know I only got one, and unlike the pants, I can’t afford to lose her. (Gee, how can I even think of such thought???) . Upon watching the movie, it just came to me that my best friend and I should have had an token/emblem or any of that sort that signifies our friendship which started long way back when we were still in our early teens. She once joked about us getting the same tattoo design together, so that it would be something marked in our bodies permanently (or a piercing maybe?). But no, our friendship is beyond what we can explain. We’re each other’s forever… Can’t expound more on that..

Waterfalls

Oh it’s been a rainy Sunday for all of us here.. I mean, literally, raindrops keep fallin’ on my head. I like it though :D The dark skies along with thunders and lightning. It’s not everyday that I get to see this mood of nature. Other people I know might be feeling stormy at this point of their own lives. Yes, I’m aware of that. It’s just that I can’t help but appreciate everything I have as of now.. I am blessed with a lot of things, not only things, but people that matter to me the most especially. I may still have a lot of material wants and demands, but wallowing on how to get them won’t help that much. I think it will help a lot to just sit back and be thankful of whatever good things we have right now..

Thank You Lord for the peace of mind…
Thank You Lord for the assurance…
Thank You Lord for You are in control in My life..

Tonight, I’m just chillin’ here in my roomie.. Listening to Seeso’s ukulele tunes. No stress, no worries.
Let tomorrow take care of its own..

Under The Bridge

===============================================================

Sometimes I feel
Like I dont have a partner
Sometimes I feel
Like my only friend
Is the city I live in
The city of angel
Lonely as I am
Together we cry

I drive on her streets
cause shes my companion
I walk through her hills
cause she knows who I am
She sees my good deeds
And she kisses me windy
I never worry
Now that is a lie

I dont ever want to feel
Like I did that day
Take me to the place I love
Take me all the way

Its hard to believe
That theres nobody out there
Its hard to believe
That Im all alone
At least I have her love
The city she loves me
Lonely as I am
Together we cry

I dont ever want to feel
Like I did that day
Take me to the place I love
Take me all the way

Under the bridge downtown
Is where I drew some blood
Under the bridge downtown
I could not get enough
Under the bridge downtown
Forgot about my love
Under the bridge downtown
I gave my life away

==============================================================

Not that bad for a novice..

So yeah, i tried to do this drum cover thingy-majig. and guess what? setting up the cover music was worse than doing the drumming itself.. i had to separately synchronize the music playing on the laptop along with the iPod connected to my ear (serves as my monitor). after 4 trials.. i was finally successful.. gee..

All Around Me by Flyleaf

Don't Say You Love Me

I'm not sure if a lot of people still remember this song popularized by the girlband duo M2M back in the late 90's. Anyhow, my then bestfriend (liezette) and i have always wanted to do a cover of this since the very first time we heard it.. too bad we didn't have youtube back then. But here it is now:)

I hope someday i'll have the chance to do the duet with you zette..




P.S.: obviously, the sound quality of the audio itself sucks.. well, it's not the guitar's fault... blame it on the built-in mic of my laptop.. and also, haha, pardon me for saying the "s" word at the last part.. darn.. it was just frustrating!!! after 7 trials.. i still messed up at some parts...

patching up the broken pieces..

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They were all set as we finished packing everything they'll need for their trip. By the way, they went for a four-day vacation at a beach somewhere in north jersey. I really hope they'll have a good time -- they need it. especially my mom:)

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I just called my nursing advisor at Widener University a while ago, and i already officially dropped all my (supposedly) fall classes.. She said i'm gonna have to go through all the admission process again if i am planning to go back on spring. I guess i have no choice.. But i'm going for it. Now, I just have to take care of those bills they gave me in advance -- they're gonna be cleared as well.

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For four days starting today, it's just going to be me and lola -- the whole house all by ourselves. No kids, no parents, no babies. ah.. it's gonna be boring though.. it'll just make me feel sluggish and flabby 'coz there's nothing to do (well except this.. like this is much of a help???).

fast-food... hmmmm... i can smell it already. that's the only thing we're gonna eat for the next 3 days.

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Lola Nena is coming back here in the states on the 14th. and i'm not really too hyped about it. yeah, she's gonna be using my room (since she's invalid and needs her own bathroom nearby, plus a television too). i reckon it's gonna be an exhausting 2-weeks for us of her staying here. right. back to geriatric-sitting for all of us. phew.. may the good Lord bless us.

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Pardon me for my soundness...

This is the only place where i can feel most comfortable to be honest about myself...

My tiny chicken little

Aaden Jonathan. My favorite one among the Gosselin sextuplets boys :)

L'envoy...

Thank You Lord...

It's finally over...

Glory and Praises to Your Name Jesus...

Reverie

Tonight, we had barbeque for dinner. She did the grilling and I helped her set up the patio table. So I had to miss our cell group bible study at sis mila’s. Though I’m really not comfortable eating with them, I had to swallow up my pride and sit there for an agonizing hour consuming cholesterol-filled junk. Along with us was my lola who exactly feels the same annoyance as I do. While they were enjoying the comfort of their seats and gobbling over what’s on the table, my lola and I were just sitting there and taking our time digesting our small-portioned rations. Then, obnoxious conversations were brought up. As always, the two kids were the stars and we all have to pay attention to whatever non-sense they have to say. I just can’t help but stare into nothingness and wallow about the afternoon-nap nightmare that I had earlier.

Speaking about that, it was hell scary.. In my dream, there were Nazi-like troops who held us captives. I was there with random people lined in several rows. In between rows there was an approximate 12 inches space that separates us from the others. We were positioned in a leg-extended sitting position, our hands we’re tied behind, holding a gun that points upward towards our lower back. The deal was this: they were going to run a machine saw within that 12 inches space (in between rows of human feet) and whoever shrieks and tries to move their feet away from it or in avoidance of the saw will be forced to pull the trigger of the gun pointing behind us. Unfortunately, out of extreme nervousness and trauma, I was the first one who moved.. So I had to practically kill myself.. Gosh.. I died in my dream. And the pain? Unbearably numbing.. Almost real.. I guess..

I was forcing myself to wake up already. But no matter how hard I seem to try to open my eyelids, it’s not happening in reality.. I waited and waited and waited… Until I felt a vibration and heard a loud tune on top of my head. It was my cell phone ringing.. Then a gush of blood came rushing through my veins, causing my heart to beat heavily fast. Finally, I was awakened. Thank you bro Jo for calling me just in time to save me from a horrendous dream…

This is a living nightmare.. I don’t know where to be anymore. I am psychologically and emotionally attacked in my waking hours, and now in my dreams as well..? Great.

the hell i'm back

Twice today, I went to wal*mart and in the fuckin’ dollar store just to run those fuckin’ errands of hers… “buy some packaging tapes for your lola’s stuff… also buy me some playing cards.” I stayed for more than 30 minutes or so at wal*mart for the first trip looking for those freakin’ packaging tapes. I didn’t find any. So, I just went on roaming around the big store, looking for a yoga mat that I could probably buy. Yeah, I found a couple but they’re out of my budget so I just grabbed this mini ethernet cable I found at the clearance section. Then, I went to the dollar store to buy seven of those friggin’ tapes.. As I was driving on my way home, she called my cel and I just ignored it. I’m almost there anyway. But she left a voicemail. “Where are you now??? I just asked u to buy some tapes and what has been taking you so long??? (then hangs up her f-in cel).”

As I got home, I brought her the tapes. Then she asked me the hell where the playing cards are??? I said, I forgot to buy ’em. I didn’t purposely forget to buy ‘em though. She said, “Go back and buy them.” f*ck… okay. So I went back to walmart and bought her stupid cards. Here it is now. Enjoy your poker game along with your badinin and badichu (that‘s her nickname for my good brothers).

Hell, I’m getting used with all these cursings… too bad for me… Sorry Lord..

i am so ef-ed up...

This is madenning.. God.. i know i turned off the router and the modem last night around 1:30-2:00 am, just when i was done using my laptop. and i am certain that i did, because i even bumped my head under the desk as i was pulling the router plug at the bottom of the computer table.. and now, she's saying that she woke up at 4am and she saw both the modem and the router were turned on.. uhm, how the hell did that happen??? in such awe i wondered.. unless, some other being did that as we were basking in our deep slumber? jeez, just screw that idea.. it's been always a big deal for her whenever we forget to unplug electronic equipments at home (esp. when no one's using them). now, she's thinking i'm a lying idiot.. as she always believe i am.. yes, i am a chronic liar. but last night? whoa.. i do not usually swear to any form of Higher Being, but this time i'll take my slot.. YES, I SWEAR THAT I AM DEFINITELY SURE I WENT UPSTAIRS AND TURNED THE FCKING MODEM AND ROUTER OFF. you should have seen the expression on her face as i was telling her my story.. such disgust and utter lack of hope in me.. sheesh.. what's new?

Was i sleepwalking? or hallucinating maybe? did i really went upstairs and did the those things as i'm claiming i did? these uncertain possibilities scare me really... but one thing i remember feeling were headache and dizziness when i got up from my bed on my way walking upstairs (i live at the basement btw). so, when i went back to my room, i stayed awake for a little bit still, trying to think things over.. praying to God in my mind.. being thankful of what i have... looking at the glass half full, and not half empty.. then i fell into a deep sleep.. that's all i remember as i woke up.. i do not even recall if i had a dream... or maybe later i will..

Whatever is the underlying cause of this sh*t, i wanna know sooner.. or else i guess, i'm already losing it..

Have you realized something new lately?

I once heard her say that each of us has a person whom we will need the most..

As well as another person who will need us the most..

I needed her.. And I still need her up until now..

It’s just that she needs someone else so bad…

It just so happened it is true on her case…

And for most people without them knowing it.. I guess…?

I know it could never be that simple…





Hope we won’t miss out on each other now…

Rotten White Flag

I’m harboring a destructive angst that keeps on growing every single day…

It slowly creeps into my mind, which is manifested through my words and actions..

No matter how hard I try to bury the pain inside, its decay doesn’t really bring any comfort..

Oh, it is going to remain here for a long time.

What am I suppose to do? I can’t face my own battles..

I’m good at ignoring their existence, yes.. Darn… This sucks big time…

I don’t want to stop believing in dreams

Even though the circumstances around me prove me wrong at times.


Yes, I am broken-hearted.. Not that kind of a shallow romance..

I love my dreams.. More so even the thought of them..

But they were taken away from me..

Maybe I don’t know what the future holds,

But life is all about taking risks is it not?

God, I feel like a freaking invalid…

With someone taking me by the wheelchair wherever they would want me to go..

Thinking that they know what’s best for me

But they themselves have their own unsettled personal issues to worry about.


Every single thing that reminds me of those things that I should be looking forward to right now creates a slight ache in my chest every now and then..


I often feel regretful

Since I decided to do what is “right”

Just to show what? Respect?

That moment when I gave up my own choice of doing what I’m really passionate about…

In exchange of what? Nothing..

Self-destruction is what’s ahead…

Oh I wish… if I’m that stupid enough.

But no, I can’t let myself go through that downward spiral..

I know I am better than what she thinks of me..

Maybe far better than what she thinks of herself..

Dirty mouth

Not that I’m purposely forgetting to brush my teeth every now and then, but it’s the fact that I have been cursing over a lot of simple mistakes and shitty situations. There I go again.. Ah I hate this… It doesn’t make me feel better though.. It makes me feel even worse. Is it because I’m watching that L-word show again? Nah, that’s not an excuse. Well, back to that. I’ve been watching its 4th season for the past two nights. F*ck this internet connection! It gets crappier every single day! Sheesh.. Bull.. I don’t ‘wanna rant about this anymore.. But it just keeps on giving me the same old eff-ing reason to get mad.

Anyway, back to the show. I’m liking it againJ Now I know what my friend was talking about ( I think I‘m ‘gonna need those burned copies of the whole season 3 ). I wasn’t able to watch it on surfthechannel.com coz they got them all f*cked up. I’m in-love with Shane McCutcheon… Yes… Just don’t ask why.. lmao… Nah, it’s just a physical admiration. More of me being envious of her gorgeous skinny built.. Oh I wish I were.. F*ck.. I think it’ll be better if I stop this non-sense before I become that kind of person again..

Crap.. Those annoying obnoxious brothers of mine.. Lately, they get to my nerves really. Four things they know how to do best are: eat greedily like homeless hobos, play games in the computer 24/7, fight each other over almost at everything, and piss the hell off of my mom. Yeah.. So if you hear her yelling all over the place, I bet my doofus bros did something stupid again (as always). Holy piece of dung.. Can this get any much worse? So, most of the time I choose not to be with them because of that. Not that I’m being so overly dramatic and anti-social, but they don’t really need me anyway (feels like I‘m back to being a teenager). Only when they have some chores and errands, I think I‘m the only available assistant to do it for them (minus the fact that I‘m not getting paid for all these rubbish). Well, I think that’s the only purpose I serve in this family. No need to say thank you. They’re welcome.

We just watched The Dark Knight a while ago.. Surely it deserves 5 stars... Heath Ledger's the joker character portrayal completely blew me away... his random incipience and obnoxious wit really gives the audience such a different perception of who the character really is. What distinct the movie character from the one in the cartoon series is the perplexed nature of the real joker (Just watch the movie to see what I am talking about). WOW.. such a great actor.. too bad he's dead now though.. he won't reap all the recognition he deserves from his superb performance. Seems like the joker got the most attention from the viewers than the main man himself (Batman). The movie as a whole is pretty good, I must say. It may be too far from reality, but the predicaments that were presented were pretty much possible in real life. But two and a half hours of show time? Well, it was all worth it. Even the audience applauded as the movie ends. So far, it is the best movie of the summer.

My computer literacy class already started yesterday. We meet every Tuesdays through Thursdays for five weeks. It was alright. My professor seems entertaining, funny and very spontaneous. He ‘kinda looks like Will Smith, just older I guess. Though I feel like I’m back to square one again in terms of basics in computer. But what can I do? I need this course for the completion of my curriculum.

Also, my weight training class is currently going on for four weeks now, same days as my comp lit class, but in the morning. Weights, dumbbells, barbells, treadmill, and all sorts of weight training machines are in there. Our daily routines requires us to work-out at least 50 minutes straight. It doesn't sound tiring as it really is, but once you're the one doing it you'll feel the mild pain and discomfort of your muscles (which is good!). Though I must admit, I’m quite enjoying it. Not only can I build-up some pumps or abs, and tone my muscles, but the sight pleases me as well (I’m talking about a couple of hunk dudes who always work-out right next to me) Haha! Our teacher/trainer quite knows what she’s doing and it helps us a lot. She makes sure we’re using the equipments properly, Anyhow, I hope this session is more than just five weeks (Sadly, we‘re about to end next week). I didn’t think at first that it was a good thing my self-defense class got cancelled, ’coz if not, I wouldn‘t be having weight training now (Good thing it was!). However, I’m still planning to continue “getting fit” after this program ends. Maybe I’ll just do light cardio and aerobic activities, along with its inexpensive equipments. Just a fitness dvd, a yoga mat, and a couple or dumbbells would suffice for the heavy machines (in case of weight training) needed to get started with. It’s just a matter of knowing what you’re doing and achieving the desired results in the long run. And yeah, I hope I’ll be able to commit myself to this.. A lot of times I started in the past, but I ended up being the couch potato that I am. Well, good luck to me!

Something ordinary

Nothing really significant happened today. Except that I made a music cover of Paramore’s here we go again. It’s alright. I guess? I was chatting with a friend (kaye) this afternoon and she said that I was so mellow. What she means is the way I choose the songs that I cover are so soft. Or maybe it’s just my voice? Anyway, just for a change, I gave this a shot :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GghMhgZZ9aA

3 in a row

This day is not going to end without having to write my last entry..
Suddenly, I just felt happy because finally my internet connection seem to be cooperating with me for the last few hours. Well, before it even gets jaggy, I’ll take my time.

I’m enjoying this kind of life, well maybe for now.. A bummer. That’s what I am. However, I don’t think I can live like this for more than a month (God forbid!). Just sitting all day, facing the laptop, browsing different websites, watching shows, listening to music, etc. That is not really an effective form of living. I would say it’s just the initial excitement that comes along with this new freebie. Ever since I can remember, new things that come in my life overwhelms me for a long while. And yeah, I tend to forget that the world is still revolving. I really am out contact to the outside world. I’m such a nostalgia freak. In many ways I know I am. I love to revisit those good memories in the past, and from there I get usually stuck. Not being able to move forward, the joy of the past reminiscence lingers. Add to that the moving power of music that penetrates through the soul. Those which have been a part of my journey and battles. Wow.. It’s like dreaming while wide-awake. I wonder which kind of psychological disorder is that classified into, but oh well, I couldn’t care any less. I’m ‘gonna be sleeping sound tonight(I hope), and let tomorrow worry about its own..

Missing Dog

Last Wednesday was such a tiring day. I had to wake up early in the morning for my gym class. Good thing though, my organic chemistry class was cancelled (to think that was the day before our final exam). So I got to go home earlier than my usual time. Then in the afternoon my new laptop arrived, and of course I had to unpack it then set it up. As expected, I was so ecstatic. Just like a kid who received her first bike (or what not). But too bad for me though, I wasn’t able to set up the internet connection correctly, that’s why I had to leave it lying in my bed for a while and put aside my excitement. Afterwards, my mom was bugging me to help her with her resume (yeah, she‘s been jobless for the past two months). But we didn’t have the right application software to work on her “elegant” resume along with an impressive cover letter, so we went to our community library to use their second rate computers. Gee.. Wow.. Could that be any worse? First, it took us more than an hour to finish a single document, plus the uneasiness that comes along of just being with my mom. Finally, after 56 years we’re done (though we barely finished the cover letter). Oh, and yeah, 3 pages of printed paper cost us 45 cents. What a rip-off. It’s a public library. Apparently, those services should be rendered free. Anyway, while we driving on our way back home, I saw a doggie on the curb side of the road. He was wandering all by himself, without a collar on his neck. I think he was a terrier breed with white fur and brown spots on its back. I wondered if he was lost or something. Then I suddenly remembered that there was a missing dog poster in our street, and the missing dog in there resembles the dog that I just saw. So I told my mom, then we drove to the site where I first saw the poster. My mom called the contact person, and told him (he sounds like a lonely old man) that we think we might have seen his missing dog on the poster (though we were not really sure), and directed him at the exact location. Just to make sure that was really the missing dog, we decided to back and check him out. After missing a couple of streets, we finally saw the dog.. With his owner! Haha! It wasn’t the missing dog after all.. We got the chance to talk to the owner, and he said that terrier breeds usually look alike. So, yeah, that was our bad. A case of mistaken identity. Lol. But it was fun though. I didn’t know my mom has that soft spot with animals (knowing that she‘s allergic to their furs, and hates their stinky butts), going through all that trouble just to bring back the alleged “lost” dog to his owners. Nonetheless, it was a good feeling to know that she can be that nice, maybe not most of the time with me, but to others at least (in this case, a lower being).. And even if we didn’t get the reward allotted for finding the lost doggie, I think that simple experience itself made me realize some things.. That this is just a portion of good things that my mom is capable of doing, no matter how small it may be. Finally, for the missing dog, I hope that they find him soon..

Back in the blogging world

So, yeah, I decided to create a blog account once again.. Now that I have my own portable pc or popularly known as the "laptop," i can write my usual personal blogs frequently. While I'm still trying to learn all the technicalities associated with this new technology, I must admit that I'm really enjoying some (if not all) of the perks that came along with my new bestfriend. Well, the only thing that keeps me from browsing the net 24/7 is the crappy internet connection. Though we have broadband, I blame the inconsistencies to the wireless router that i bought along with this laptop. It sucks 'coz it's like playing tag with the people whom i'm chatting with online. One minute i'm on, then a little later i'm out. Over and over again. I don't remember being able to stay online (without being disconnected) for more than an hour since i started using this. Great. However, thanks to the ever ready ethernet cable which i can resort to use whenever the wireless capabilities of this baby is flawed. That means I have to stay close to the desktop (which my little brothers use most of the time) located in our study room, and patiently bear with their usual hyperactivity. Darn kids. Darn Router. I hope this gets fixed. Or else, it’s just as bad as not having my own laptop at all. Privacy is all I need.