Determined

Today was a wrap full of good things. First off, i woke up early in the morning, around 7 something. Then i ate my breakfast: a whole bagel with nutella spread, and a cup of milk. uhm.. about 500 calories all in all (not that bad for the day's first meal eh?). A little bit later, I spent the next hour and a half recording myself while covering a Kina Grannis original (Strong Enough). My version turned out sounding sucky though, but oh well.. I do suck at times, especially when I just pick the guitar up out of nowhere and decides to strum whatever i feel like playing at the moment. I decided not to post it right away, so I still have to do a better one later in the afternoon. After that, I prepared myself for my lunch date with sis Bev who's gonna be meeting me at the church. Yeah, I didn't take a bath. I just did the other night, so what's the use? lol. Besides, it's kinda chilly outside so I supposed I wouldn't be profusely sweating. Just a little teeth brushing, face washing, and clothes changing was enough, so I left. I drove by myself all the way to church. Eh.. The weather was alright. Dark cloudy skies and slight raindrops from time to time. Nonetheless, it wasn't a hazard to drive. We, both got there at church at the same time. I just parked my (mom's) car, and we used hers going to Philly. What a cool driver she is though. Well, i guess i'm referring to her manual transmission car. I mean for a woman to drive that kind of car here in the States, it's not something you see everyday. While driving, we were just talking about random things about my studies, family, and things (stuff that I can't tell you yet). As a result of such distraction, I think she was running like 10 miles slower than the speed limit. HAHA! So yeah, a couple of honks here and there were exchanged. Finally we got to the place where we were about to have lunch. SMOKELESS BBQ.. that kind of stuff. Located somewhere in 9th street. Honestly, I didn't have a clue what kind of restaurant was that. Chinese, Taiwanese, Korean, Japanese???? Seems Asian though. She told me earlier that we were going to a buffet. So yeah, buffet that is. We came inside, the server entertained us, directed us to our table, we sat, and he handed us the menu. Oh... It's Korean. They had bunch of different kinds of that Kimchi thingy (that I don't even like) on the buffet counter. Also, we ordered that barbeque buffet with hot pot for two. It was too much food for the two of us. But we had all the time to finish it. So, chow. In the middle of our table was a circular grill/stove, well obviously, to be used for the boiling of the hot pot and grilling of the fresh meat that they served us. I was like "Oh... so this is what it's for.." sounding so ignorant in front of sis Bev (What can I do? It was my first time eating in such a place?). I really enjoyed barbequeing my own fresh meat, and slurping that hot soup.. We spent two and a half hours there, doing the same grilling and sipping over and over again, well, plus the unending exchange of conversations about personal stuff. I was really having a good time with her, even if my belly was consuming more calories than it requires from every piece of bbq meat that i shove into my mouth. In my mind: "Gosh,, I gotta burn these twice as much as my usual routine..." Whew.. We finished most of our food at last. That wasn't a waste. Good food, great company, cool new place.. So she paid for it, left some tip, and we headed back to church. And this is what blessed me the most, before we parted ways, she actually took the chance to pray for/with me.. Because after everything that I have confided to her, she kinda felt burdened. I think this is where the accountability between every believers comes in. I felt relieved after that. Something that rarely happens. You know, someone who is not related to you by blood, but shares the same Spirit with you.. Breathed from the same Creator... And Prayer? It really is powerful.. I know I haven't been praying in the Spirit for like months now.. And I know that I'm sinning BIG TIME because of that.. But I want to believe that THAT simple prayer she uttered will make a BIG difference...

I got home already, and I finally finished the last draft of my song cover.. I waited another 2 hours trying to upload it on my utube and multiply account.. (Sigh)... DONE. Then I did my daily routine, walked in the treadmill for an hour and 10 minutes non-stop, 4.23 miles, and burned 515 calories.. And i'm about to sleep after I post this.. Goodnight.

Customer Service Dissatisfaction

Last night’s dream has a bit touch of reality, well, almost an entire possibility. It started off like this: my brother Jared and I were in the Philippines. We were just strolling around the former Jenra superstore in Dau. Around mid-afternoon, we decided to part ways and satisfy our grumbling tummies. He went to eat in that area of the store where they sell native foods, and I went to Jollibee. Being in that place once again after more than 2 years made me feel relieved and “at home” somehow. The semi-crowded place, indistinct conversations, crews, customers, and kids around -- a typical scenery in most fastfood chains in PI. So, there came the time when I finally ordered my meal. Behind the counter were these friendly-looking service crews, with all the big smiles and slight make-up worn on their faces.

“Good afternoon ma‘am, welcome to Jollibee, may I take your order please?”

“Hi, can I get a large fries and a cone twirl please.” (oddly, but yeah, I was speaking in English)

“Dine-in or take-out po? (eat-in or to-go?)”

“I‘ll have it here”

“Yun lang po ba ma’am? (Would that be all ma‘am?)”

“Yes.”

Then I paid for my food.

“(She put my meal on the tray) Salamat po! Enjoy your meal!J”

Then I carried my tray and sat near to where the counter is… Everything is doing fine so far, until…


After I was done eating, suddenly I felt thirsty. That’s when I came back to the counter to order a large drink. This time a different service crew took my order.

“Good afternoon ma‘am, welcome to Jollibee, may I take your order please?” (a lady with a complacent face)

“I‘ll just have a large Coke, to-go please”

“Ma‘am, okay lang bang maghintay kayo ng ten minutes pa? (is it okay for you to wait for like ten more minutes)? Naubusan kasi kami ng plastic cup supplies, umorder palang kami sa nearest branch. (We ran out of plastic cup supplies, so we just ordered to the nearest branch).”

“All right(???)” What can I do? I was thirsty already.. So I paid for it in advance though.

“Eto yung number mo(here‘s your number), tatawagin ko nalang kayo pag ready na (I‘ll just call your number when it‘s ready.)”

“ Great..”


10 minutes has passed… no drink for me

20 minutes has passed… still, no drink for me…

30 minutes has passed… crap, I’m choking already….


I went to the counter and asked what has been going on. Suddenly the lady crew who served me earlier is now showing some unlikely attitude.

“It‘s been already 30 minutes and the heck where is my drink?” I said calmly.

“Well ma‘am hindi pa dumarating yung delivery crew from the other branch eh.” Saying it in way as if she’s the one who has the right to be annoyed. “Heto ang iced tea (in pouch), yan muna ang inumin ninyo.” As she poked the straw to the pouch and slammed it in front of me.

“So you had this earlier pa, and it‘s just now that you‘re giving it to me??? What a fine service.. You know what, just forget it..” That’s where I lost my patience. I wasn't really pissed about the slamming part though..

I was about to leave the place when the supervisor approached me as she heard my frustrated grunt.

“What seems to be the problem ma‘am?” she asked, and I explained the details. So, she reprimanded the crew who showed such a dubious attitude.

Apologetically, the supervisor intervened.

“I‘m so sorry ma‘am about what happened, we‘re just having some cup shortage as of now, but we‘re trying to compensate naman with juice in pouches in place of soft drinks… If you want ma‘am we can issue you a refund check in that crew’s expense. Just claim it nalang in the other branch building.”

“Just… Whatever..” What a big deal.

Still, she issued me the check and I went to the next building to claim it. There, the manager handed me the refund check. Guess what? That large drink cost the rude crew $12.00 (Oddly, we were in the PI then, but the currency is still in $$$). I wasn’t sure though, but that’s how much I was about to claim. Then, came this lady crew who’s responsible for all the drama.

“Ma‘am naman, di na po ba kayo naawa sakin? Napaka-liit lang na bagay pinalaki niyo pa.. Ano lang po ba sa inyo yung 12 dollars..??? Samantalang para samin na nakatira dito, halos isang linggong pagttrabaho na ang katumbas ‘non..” With such emotion she blurted, as if I am the arrogant one to be blamed about her irresponsible actions.

“I‘m not concerned about the money. It‘s all about the service. You‘re a part of this company and you should live and act up to its standards. Also, you must give the service that is due to your customers.”

Then I ripped off the check right on her face.

“Happy now? Goodluck with your job.”

And I left the place.


I went to meet my brother, and this time he was already done eating as well.

“Bona, can you buy me this food?” He was pointing at this weird Filipino delicacy that we stumbled upon while walking in the halls of Jenra.

“Wait, didn’t you eat already? How much is it anyway?” I asked.

“Yeah, I did. But I want this. It’s 350 pesos.”

What a rip-off… Just a small plate worth of food..

“Nah, forget it Jared. We’re leaving.”

Cold Feet

Am I afraid? Of what? Seeing them again?
What has become of me over the past two and a half years?
Am I still the same? Have I changed a little bit? drastically?

Most of all..

Am I afraid of seeing the change in them?
Of course the other side of the world didn't freeze while I was wasting two and a half years of my life here.
Do I believe all of this?
Am I really going somewhere from here?

These are just some of the questions raging through my head.
Sadly, I can't really answer any...

Two more weeks to go... And honestly, I don't feel like leaving anymore.. I just want to be trapped where I'm at right now...

Mystery of the missing girl

In an olympic-sized indoor pool, filled with people above and beneath the surface, I was clinging on the side.. I knew for a fact that I couldn't swim, so I stayed where i was. Everybody seems to be enjoying the unusual warmth of the water. Weirdly, I swam underneath. There I saw a community swarmed with men, doing their own silly businesses. A man doing yoga upside-down, a group of men playing poker underwater, and there rest I didn't pay attention much. My presence didn't seem to bother them, so I swam around. I didn't see anyone that I know, thus, decided to get out of it. It appears as if getting out is much harder than swimming in, it took me almost twice as much as the time finding my way out of that bizarre environment. I was already losing air. Then I saw a tiny space in one corner. I gasped for breath. That has been enough to bring me out in the surface.

Darkness loomed. no one, not even a single soul was present in that place. "Is anybody there?" I asked loudly. Nobody answered. I guess I was trapped inside. I cannot go back into the pool, because neither that I could see clearly. So, I crawled my way up in those high windows -- the only things visible in my sight. They were too small for me to get out of, the only thing I can do is shout for help. A custodian who's in charge of the pool came in with his cleaning gadgets. "Thank goodness you came," I blurted. "But I only have 5 minutes to clean up all these mess and get out of this place, the main door is timed and it's going to be automatically locked soon!" hurriedly he exclaimed. "Let's just get out of this place," I said. We got out just in time.

The outside appears to be surrounded with lots of trees and also there was a couple of nipa huts. Then came this another lady running towards where we were at. "I can't find my way out, this place gives me the chills.." she said. Even the custodian was clueless. "I think we just have to wait for someone who can show us the way," in unison we all agreed. After a while, a man riding a golf cab that appears to be a security guard stopped in front of us and said, "Are you guys lost? May I see your Id's please.. " The lady and the custodian showed theirs to the guard. I don't have anything with me except the wet clothes that I was wearing.

"I left my book bag in the cafe, and all my stuff are in there including my wallet, so I can't show you anything," I said calmly.

"Hmmm... the last book bag that was left unclaimed in that place was on July of 1984, by this girl named *can't remember what he said*, and that's it, nothing was ever left in that place since then."

"But I'm pretty sure I left my book bag in there just this afternoon."

"Sorry ma'am, but we found nothing... By the way, what is your name?"

"Bonnamie Lomio"

"Just a second.." He looks at his dusty book of files and took out several newspaper cut out pictures.

"Weren't you this kid?" Showing me a bunch of head-shot pictures of this weird looking girl age of five, curly, dark-skinned, with a cleft-palate... But I have to admit, her face kinda resembles mine except the curly hair part and the cleft-palate..

"Whoa, definitely that's not me." I knew exactly what I looked like when I was at that age..

"But her name is exactly the same as yours. Bonnamie Lomio."

"Goodness.. who says two people cannot have the same first name and last name in this world?" Heavens, that was weird... "And since when were these pictures dated?"

"July of 1984... That's exactly the date this girl went missing... We found her school ID in her book bag left in the cafe at the same time... "



Holy Lord... I was born on October 25, 1987... There's no way I could have been that girl...
Anyway, that was just another dream...

The weirder it gets..

Final imaginary thoughts as i was about to to take a long nap early tonight:

• me conversing with Kristen Stewart
• me laying in bed with some girl
  
• and me trying not to think about Amber..

Then came this dream associated with the REM sleep that i was just discussing about the other night with some friend..

I came back to the country where I was born and raised. Amidst the timidity of whether or not to go out, I didn't have a choice but to show myself to the public. It was a place where a lot of people gather to take care of legal matters. There were some familiar faces, and so was I to them. But I think I saw my best friend first. Her together with all her school friends. The irony is that neither did I approach nor greet her. Awkward as it is, she made the first move to acknowledge my presence in the room. Unexpectedly, I just declined and went on with my own thing.

Then this odd-looking tiny stranger who sorta looked like Smeagol came up to me and said "Are you not the girl from you tube who sings grievingly?" I said, "I'm not even aware of such a repelling comment, but if you meant the one who sings and plays her heart out, I guess you're talking to the right person." Mischievously he replied, "You know what they say about women who do so.. at the back of their minds they're wanting to have something to entice their suppressed sexual appetite.. and you see, surely I would love to gratify lasses like you at any given moment.." Upon hearing such degrading words, that's when I lost control of myself and banged his head twice on the wall, held him up on the neck with one arm, and dropped this statement, "You tiny evil perv, listen, as much as you want to satisfy your raging hormones and screw me as you wish, sorry but you can't.. Simply because creatures like you are definitely not my type."

People around we're crazed, this attractive brunette young lady mediated and ignorantly yelled at me for my "impulsive" actions. "Are you out of your mind??? That's a poor old man you've beaten right there?!" She bursted. So I intentionally kicked her on the right knee, and forcefully sat her on an elevated stool, that way I can be in control of her and stop her seem to be endless nagging. She cried in pain by the way. We were the center of attention. I asked her, "Do you realize why I did such thing?" "Hell no?!", angrily she replied. "Exactly my point as to why you blamed me at first earlier regarding that dusty pervert." Her mouth was shut finally. And I explained to her all about the indecent proposal and sexual attack.

As she and everyone calmed down, I left the place.

My best friend's Special Friend came and brought me a set of guitar strings -- none of which I badly needed at the moment. She was nicer than i thought she wouldn't be, or at least to me. We were now at a dance hall. Some guys started to show off their "break-dancing skills" on the floor. Surprisingly, I did too. Something I never knew I could do. The crowd was pleased with what I just showcased. And the brunette gal was there, secretly watching me in my state of whateverness. That's when I felt awkward and again, I left for home.

There, I was drinking liquor. Something that I wouldn't tolerate in reality. Again, she came over uninvited and just started talking about anything or everything that she can think of at the time. After almost a long while, in my sense of tranquility I asked "Why are you here?" And briefly she answered, "Exactly why you are here.."

And that's where it ended...


By the way, I am indeed in control of my actions in the said events of my reverie... It's just that I don't have the exact meaningful explanation..

It's dark inside

..I can't keep going under..


...Drowning in you...


....Falling forever....


.....I've got to break through.....

Seven decades and a year..

For my ever dearest Lola Elena.. :P

This is what I gave her as a birthday present...





And here she is, looking so happy and amazed while I was taking a snapshot of her and the cozy-looking present..

{She thought it is expensive as it looks, but really I just bought it from one of those Chinese stores in the streets of New York... :) Well, as the saying goes, "it's the thought that counts..."}



May She have more Blessed years to come... :)

Anywhere, but here...

I feel compelled to write about something, or else… Or else what? I don’t have any idea what I’m gonna’ do next.. Crap I feel so f*cked up again.. This never-ending series of unfortunate events seems to be prevalent in my life. Only, they come in different blows and intensities. By now, I should’ve gotten used to it already. So what’s up with this whining again? It’s just whenever something good happens to me (which rarely occurs), another thing comes up and bursts the heck out of my perfect bubble.. This one seems to be simple, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be an “event” or a “thing”, it can just simply be an “insensitive/ignorant” and “thoughtless” statement such as this:

||When she saw me carrying a plastic bag of somethin'-somethin' as I entered through the back door..||

“Oh you went shopping again? You know you should be saving every penny you have left coz’ you don’t have any more money..”

My discreet response:

“Chyeaah??? I‘m not a dumb assh*le to be reminded of that effin fact?! One more thing, d‘you think spending $10 worth of cheap printed shirts ($2 each) would hurt me as much as you are thinking??? What??? Am I gonna‘ be homeless now??? And by the way, these crappy souvenir shirts aren‘t even for myself if you‘re thinking that I, again, am feeding my non-sense pleasures. These are for my unprivileged loved ones back there in the Philippines who are expecting much from me, but obviously in return I can‘t really give them more than what I can afford.”

Back to her:

“Even if so. I‘m just saying…”

...Why do simple but thoughtful things seem too hard to be understood by some??? I wonder...They're so overly in-touched with the reality and hardships of life that they forget about the goodness of simple things.. Darn.. It frustrates me...

Back to me (discreetly):

“Well then think before you speak. And think about all the crap that you wasted your money on. If it‘s even YOUR money. Then that's when you can have something to say about my own personal financial expenditures..”


||Sadly, she didn’t have the chance to hear all these things that I’ve been meaning to say back to her..||


So that was the silent conversation that we had after I just came home from New York.. Oh The Big Apple.. It was my first time actually to walk around its city streets. Yeah, it was tiring, but my eyes were satisfied by the sights.. Once again, I’m amazed by the busyness of a city-setting. People and lots of things altogether. And again, my mind goes gaga over the thought of what would it be like for me living in such a place…

Oh, and one more thing before I end this, go figure out yourself why my title is like that..

I Left My Heart in San Francisco

It’s been 3 days since we got back from San Francisco, and believe me, the only words that I can say is that we had so much fun… Yeah, so I decided to blog about the entirety of our trip just now (or more of my melancholy I‘d say). Actually, I just read Joanna’s latest blog entry earlier, and it somehow lightened up my day after a couple of days of nostalgia. I’m still wearing the “I Heart SF” hoodie sweater that we (or Joanna) bought as a souvenir from the trip. Also, I’m still listening to Lonely Day by Phantom Planet. The shutter shades that I had in SF and a couple of SF postcards are posted on my corkboard. And every now and then I browse through the bunch of pictures that we took back there. Yes, I am literally basking in the events and memories of these past few days. For a couple of years now, that is the only moment in my life where I felt happy and free again… While we were there, there wasn’t any wasted moment. I miss the foodtrip, the shoptrip, the tourtrip, the laughtrip, the soundtrip, the roadtrip, I miss the long walks with Issy and Hamlet, random conversations with Tita Be, serious talks with Joanna, and even Lola's hilarious but innocent humor (she can't do such here in jersey)... I'll miss being carefree and free-spirited.. Not worrying about what I'm gonna do or what I'm gonna eat next... Everything just flows and I love that feeling... It’s not just the place or the beautiful sights that I like or miss the most, but it’s the people who I’m with along with the experiences that I had with them. They’re my real family.. It may just be a week, but it’s worth a lifetime to me..

I’m happy for Joanna. Going back from the trip, she’s feels alive now more than ever. I Guess meeting and spending time with each other after more than two years was all worth it (all jammed pack in 4 days). At the same time, I felt this weird hint of jealousy towards her. Finally, she already got what she unknowingly wanted all this time. She’s got a lot of things to look forward to after all the fun that we had, while me? Still stuck here with nothing to keep but good memories. Nah, that’s not good I suppose. I shouldn’t be thinking this way. Nonetheless, I must still be thankful for what I’ve got.

By the way, I missed my ukulele so bad… I knew that I should’ve brought it to the trip instead of that heavy guitar (I could‘ve had a lot more fun). Today, I’ve learned a couple of new songs, and I’m planning to record them one of these days.. Or maybe later.