2:06am. I woke up around that time this morning. This song just randomly played in my mind. As I was still laying on my bed, I let my imagination wander. Beach, food, friends... Bff... Can't wait 'till that actually come together to happen. Then I recalled yesterday at church, Gilbert approached me and gave me some of his baked cookies (how thoughtful..). And of course, that body-squeezing hug that he always give me.. Such a touchy dude. I don't know, but for some unknown reason that simple act kind of make me secured. Though I wanted to stay for a wee bit to chat with him, I didn't have the time (had to go home soon). Weirdly, I felt like I missed him so bad. He was trying to ask me something and it kinda slipped off my mind.
Suddenly, I realized that I fell asleep for almost ten hours (almost got lost track of time again) and yeah I unintentionally skipped dinner again. My tummy started to grumble. So I went upstairs and cooked for myself some ramen noodles. I washed all the leftover dishes after. Now here I am, in front of my laptop. Am I actually writing/blogging? I've been awake for a while now. And I decided not to sign-in in any of my messenger accounts, just to make myself focused on this one. Though I don't have any particular topic to write about, I just want to write whatever comes into my mind as of this time.
I was viewing my friends profile at friendster this past few days, and it's just good to know that most of them (my highschool batchmates in particular) are somewhat in the state of bliss currently. I'm happy for all of them NCLEX-RN board passers.. Then, i saw Mitchy's profile along with some newly uploaded pics she took from Palawan. It seemed as if she looks really happy. I'm not sure about that one though. I can't really tell. Or is it just the spur of the moment? I'd love to ask her and really know. But I won't. Maybe sometime in the future I'll have the courage to explain everything that has been. I have to admit though, I've been missing her for long time now.
Seemingly, I've been inconsistent with my sleeping patterns in these past couple of months. Don't mistakenly associate it with my irregular school/studying schedule (I'm pretty okay when it comes to getting them done just in time). Generally speaking, I think it's more of my poor time management skills. Gilbert has noticed the weariness in my eyes every time he sees me. I always tell myself that I'll be going back to my usual routine, but guess what? First night is okay, then the next is screwed up again. I notice the shallow dents/pits in my finger nails, i think it has something to do with low oxygenation or poor blood flow or calcium defiency due to my lack of sleep?? (As I've read somewhere in one of my nursing books). I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm just assuming stuff.
Nevertheless, I'm contented with everything else that I have right now. I have a Great God, a loving family, and good friends. I am well provided for, and most importantly, I'm blessed with people around me.. Those people may not be "around me" physically speaking, but I know by heart that they are. They make their love towards me seem so apparent, both by words and deeds. I love them so much..
...
I'm falling apart,
I'm barely breathing..
With a broken heart,
That's still beating..
In the pain,
There is healing..
In Your Name,
I find meaning..
So I'm holding on...
I'm barely holding on to You
...
About Me
- Bo
- I try to live life the way it should be lived.. well, sometimes.. but most of the time, i just prefer to wallow in the uncertainty of it.. -- This was me.. Now.. I am being changed from glory to glory by the grace of God through Christ..
1 comment:
Awh Bonna!! I'm touched by your post. It was weird cause there was something bugging me this week like I was missing something,I found out what it was! It was our lil talks that we usually have.But that doesn't mean that I never thought of that cause I've always did but it seemed like we've both been preoccupied with stuff for both of us to really talk. I'll tell you the truth. Everything inside me is sorta like bottled up and like I want to tell you things, things I can only tell you, things that may be small or big but something. It's weird. Anyways, I feel so special now that I know you value my "body-squeezing hugs"! Haha I always thought you never liked them hehe. :) I wanna tell you something that inspired me. I went downstairs to the kitchen for a snack and my dad had on a christian radio station really loud in the next room as he was doing the loundry. It was crazy and coincidentally cause the guy on the radio started talking about a web of sin and how every time this person keeps falling into it, time after time & time again. In order to solve this, the guy said, just KILL THE SPIDER!! In my mind, it made me smile cause all I picture is a GIANT SPIDER attacking a guy stuck on a HUGE WEB {of sin} & the guy EXECUTING THE SPIDER to dust! Idk? It was crazy but still inspirational! It got me thinking. That's what I need to do. KILL THE SPIDER! As you most likely I'm sure, your thoughts are: "Gilbert, you are so hyped and you know what to do, it's just a matter of DOING IT!"... I know that though, its just I need a push & a prayer & more... Well just comment me back or something, I figured this is the best place to talk considering most ppl don't look at the comments & it's direct & special without other ppl concerned about stuff that's none of their business! Whaha! Well love you Bonna!! Take Care! God Bless! :) -Gilbert
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